Haiku Matching Contest - Chill of Autumn Rain - Favorites
Grand champion, Kale Ewing, selected "strength" as the next prompt for haiku writing.
Global Haiku Traditions Fall 2010
hands held up Beth Ann Melnick |
morning after Laura Scoville |
bundled up Samantha Miles |
jealous rain drops Stephanie Helfgott |
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hands held up |
bundled up |
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top quarter champion hands held up |
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top half champion raindrops fall |
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bottom quarter champion raindrops fall |
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raindrops fall |
down comforter |
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raindrops fall Eddie Pluhar |
we lay on the sidewalk Beth Ann Melnick |
i nestle Samantha Parks |
down comforter Brittany Falardeau |
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top half champion raindrops fall
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champion mudstains, tears
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bottom half champion mudstains, tears
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mudstains, tears Kale Ewing |
gritty gravel driveway Beth Ann Melnick |
tumultuous torrent of rain Katie Coletta |
hear the wind Maddie Knott |
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mudstains, tears |
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top quarter champion mudstains, tears |
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bottom half champion mudstains, tears |
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bottom quarter champion shoes squeaking |
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shoes squeaking |
bike races |
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grab it quick quick Ally Staudenmaier |
shoes squeaking Eddie Pluhar |
the excitement dies Kelsy Whitney |
bike races Bret Henderson |
Matched Pair Critical Responses:
hands held up Beth Ann Melnick |
morning after Laura Scoville |
bundled up Samantha Miles |
jealous rain drops Stephanie Helfgott |
I loved these two poems because they both had the sense of holding onto something. Though they have very different ideas, they both have a strong sense of nature and a relationship. The first is very much the idea of two people, a strong sense of protection, and a man carrying his wife, girlfriend, or perhaps daughter in from the rain, laughing, enjoying the summer night. The second is more of a memory of a wonderful night spent with family or friends, and a girl reminiscing on it. These haikus, in my opinion, are romantic. The first one because a man is carrying his girlfriend or wife in from the rain and the second one because the man is close enough to his girlfriend or wife to smell the smoke in her hair the day after a fun night with friends. Both also bring me to a different specific spot that I grew up around. The top haiku took me to my front door; I could imagine my dad carrying my mom in from the rain. The bottom haiku takes me to my friend’s house where we would gather up a bunch of people and sit around a fire, hang out, play football, and eat. Bret This matched pair resonated with me because the two verses seem to flow together very nicely. Together they form a very beautiful, romantic story. I imagine a couple gathered with friends at a bonfire when it starts to rain. The boyfriend scoops up the girl, who is already half asleep watching the flames. He shields her face from the rain with a sweater, holding it up above them. Inside, perhaps he lays her down on her bed, kisses her on the forehead and leaves. In the morning she wakes up smiling, the smoky scent of the night before still lingering in her hair and on her pillows. However, as wonderfully romantic as this image sounds, I really picked this haiku pair because the two verses also reflect each other structurally. Just looking at them, without reading, they seem nearly identical. Samantha Parks In comparing poetry, I think it is very interesting to look at the presence or absence of motion in haiku. In the first poem, we get a very strong still image, while the second poem is all about motion. I’m not sure how to phrase it, but it is interesting to see if authors choose to focus on the action of the scene or the atmosphere of the scene. For example, in the second poem, each line has its own vivid verb, creating a sequence of events we can visualize. The first poem, on the other hand, only has one rather passive verb, lending the reader to the assumption that the actual action is not what is important, but the sensory image. From the first poem, the author touches on the scent and texture of slept-on hair, while the second one gives us the feel of rain on the skin. For me, the story of these two poems are complete opposites because the second poem is utterly romantic while the first evokes a sense of loss. Just the term “morning after” makes me think of sexual relations, and a bitterness lingers in the words. Therefore, for me, this was an interesting pair of poems to put together. Katie |
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raindrops fall Eddie Pluhar |
we lay on the sidewalk Beth Ann Melnick |
i nestle Samantha Parks |
down comforter Brittany Falardeau |
I love these two haikus. Romance and rain are beautiful things to be combined. Both haikus make me think of college-aged couples experiencing their first beautiful moments together. With the first one, I can simply feel the chilly rain drops trickling down my back as I'm about to experience an incredible kiss. The warmth of lips seem to make the chilliness bearable. With the second haiku, I can feel the heat of being next to someone, but experience more serenity because of the sound of rain drops lulling me. Both haikus have an element of warmth and chilliness, but make me feel genuine happiness. Steph I love how they both have a romantic and magical element to them. First, you can hear the rain in both and you get the same sound, however, both haiku have their own way of portraying the sound of rain which I thought was good. I liked how the first haiku has the subjects surrounded by the rain but keeps the rest of the location up to the reader’s imagination. In the second one the same idea of a couple enjoying being together while the rain comes down is shown, but in a different way. Te first one is like the magical kiss that a girl always wishes for and is never disappointed when it happens because the magic is still there. The second one still has the romance but it reminds me of a younger couple just sitting in the front of one of their houses, just being happy that they have each other. Sam M I love how both of these poems make the rain so intimate but in such different ways. I feel like the second haiku does a great job juxtaposing the hardness of the sidewalk with the softness of the rain. The ellipsis in the first really captures the moment of a first kiss perfectly. Kale Both of these deal with raining, so I was automatically attracted to them. I really like the image the first one creates. Being kissed in the rain is absolutely breathtaking and everyone should try it at least once. I love the pause before the word touch, because it really emphasizes that moment of not really knowing where this is going. I have a more personal connection with the second one because it’s something I love to do; just go lay outside on the sidewalk in the rain. Both of them give me that feeling of just feeling the rain and whoever else you’re with and nothing else, which I really like. I feel like they’re both simple and yet create such strong images because of what I myself bring into them. Laura |
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mudstains, tears Kale Ewing |
gritty gravel driveway Beth Ann Melnick |
tumultuous torrent of rain Katie Coletta |
hear the wind Maddie Knott |
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These two haikus capture the essence of a big storm, but from different points of view. Both attack the storm with a vivid image using the sense of hearing. The repetition of the “t” sound helps create the sound of the rain pounding on rooftops and landing on metal railings. The second haiku evokes the sound of the wind howling. It is an angry wind that creates wind tunnels in the spaces between buildings. Both of the haikus create a vicious storm, but the outlook of the writer of the storm are revealed in the next two lines differ greatly. The first haiku takes a peaceful outlook. The author is not trying to run away, but instead integrated themselves with the water and takes a minute to put their head up and taste the rain. She includes herself in the haiku by including herself in the experience. The other haiku is removed from haiku. There is no mention of a person, just the wind, which suggests to me that the person is observing form inside, hoping that the storm will soon subside. The personification of the wind makes the wind seem painful and unpleasant. In general, this haiku approaches the storm from a negative outlook. Beth Ann |
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grab it quick quick Ally Staudenmaier |
shoes squeaking Eddie Pluhar |
the excitement dies Kelsy Whitney |
bike races Bret Henderson |
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hands held up Beth Anne Melnick |
raindrops fall Eddie Pluhar |
hands held up Beth Anne Melnick |
bundled up Samantha Miles |
Of the matching haiku, I felt as though this had one of the best matching qualities. Although they are very different, they are also very similar. They both place rain into a romantic situation. The first haiku makes me think of rain on the day that a groom brings his bride home and carries her over the threshold. I’ve always been told that rain on the wedding day is actually good luck, even though for most brides it causes more stress. The second haiku uses rain as setting for a romantic night out. I feel as though when the date started, they weren’t many clouds in the sky and the rain coming was just something that they made the best of. Also, I don’t see the rain in the second haiku falling very hard. I see it as a few drops here and there that just make the setting different than a normal date. The rain makes everything wet to start, but the lips touching just have a way of making the wetness okay. Ally I like both of these haiku because the both deal with rain, and both have romantic elements in them. I loved the second one more because I love the dramatic tension that is created with the ellipses before ‘touch’. But one of the best things about the first one is that it kind of tells a story. it tells who, what, where, and why. The second poem doesn’t give a setting and it doesn’t give a reason, the way the first one says the hands are up to shield the rain. But I believe that in this case, the simplicity of poem two makes it my favorite. Kelsy |
I chose two compare these two haiku because they were both so comforting to me. (It was really hard just to choose two favorites though. I have a lot more.) I think that these two haiku work really well together and compliment each other quite nicely because of the gentle word usage that symbolizes a comfort or protection of someone, by someone or something. In the first haiku, the guy is carrying a girl inside and trying to protect her from getting wet from the rain. In the second haiku, the person is bundled up safely and warmly under a blanket as he or she goes through the pumpkin patch during the fall. I really like that the first haiku puts in “he” and “her” into it because it gives me a bit more of an idea of what the author had pictured for the scene. I also like, however, that the second haiku is more ambiguous in that it could be anyone under the blanket, and I think that makes it very personal to everyone who reads it. Jessica |
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bike races Bret Henderson |
mudstains, tears Kale Ewing |
raindrops fall Eddie Pluhar |
tumultuous torrent of rain Katie Coletta |
I like these two haiku as a matched pair because I can see the person depicted in Bret’s haiku wearing the jeans that Kale describes in his haiku. I can see a child, a young boy, riding down a hill with all of his friends, going faster and faster until suddenly he’s falling through the air, with no bicycle underneath him. As he hits the pavement, he tears a hole in his jeans at the knees. Then, realizing what has happened, he starts to cry in pain, but at the same time he cries because of the laughter, laughing with his friends at his fall. Years later, when the boy is much older, perhaps a college student leaving home for the first time, he is looking through his closet and finds the jeans that he wore on that day. Looking at the jeans, he realizes he will never get rid of that pair of jeans because there are too many tears shed on them, too many holes ripped in them, too many memories woven into the faded blue denim. Eddie |
Both poems use rain to set the scene and give the reader a feeling. I love the first haiku because the rain is falling around us. The rain is surrounding them on this special moment and suddenly they are all alone in the rain even if they are in a crowd. The rain is hiding them from the world and giving them a special moment. In the second haiku there is a sense of the person belonging to the rain. Even though it is storming very heavily, the person doesn’t care and can appreciate the rain. Also I feel that the rain is acting as a second character and is being personified as the sea. In both haiku the rain is a happy moment that is being cherished and appreciated by the people in the haiku. Maddie |
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© 2010,
Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.