Haiku to Edit 1 Results
Global Haiku • Millikin University • Fall 2016
Cut / Add / Replace / Rearrange
Four edit actions: cut unneccesary words, add context (setting, time), replace for better images, & rearrance the furniture.
finding myself would be finding myself would be finding myself desklight
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no one wants help no one wants help no one wants help HELP stubborn Ryan Sikora |
goody two shoes goody two shoes goody two shoes goody two shoes Morgan Vogels moving away from home key to freedom: |
freshly sharpened pencils
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nametag on nametag on boss man nametag on nametag on |
adolescence hair in odd places
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the red blanket New Year's Day a violent shiver near-winter nights
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beside one Another Beside each other beside each other
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she trades she changes housewife by day an unimpressive cotton dress night on the town Shannon cotton dress freshman fall |
Easily distracted? This haiku stood out to me because it didn't really feel like a moment to me. I also think that this haiku (and this feeling) could be more powerful if it was shown through an image rather than the author telling the reader what they think directly. Anna
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wind and sand a warm breeze A warm breeze Wind, sand, wind, sand a warm breeze |
vacant pool pool is empty children off to school pool full— summer turns to fall children off to school vacant pool |
long days combine running lights
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weathered teddy bear where the wreck happened weathered teddy bear teddy bear sun faded flowers weathered teddy bear artificial flowers faded, artificial flowers faded worn teddy bear fading artificial flowers weathered teddy bear |
eye contact stare down eye contact eyes lock accidental eye contact Eyes meet. eye contact |
lights out gossip pitch-black talking about life girls' dorm hallway |
forgot a towel Christmas break forgot the solution Matthew Vangunten |
empty seat at the empty seat at the spelling bee vacancy spelling bee "dee-eee-ess-ess-" |
© 2016, Randy Brooks Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.