Haiku to Edit 1 Results

Global Haiku • Millikin University • Fall 2016

Cut / Add / Replace / Rearrange

Four edit actions: cut unneccesary words, add context (setting, time), replace for better images, & rearrance the furniture.


finding myself would be
harder
if I were lost

finding myself would be
easier
if I were lost

finding myself
        would be harder if
                I were lost

desklight
made to seek
the self I never lost

 



no one wants help
until it is
too late

no one wants help
until it is
                          too late

no one wants help
until it's
                          too late

HELP
no answer . . . then a knock
but it's too late

stubborn
she refuse
the offered hand

Ryan Sikora


goody two shoes
moves away from home
freedom is the key

goody two shoes
moves away
the key to freedom

goody two shoes
moves away
freedom is the key

goody two shoes
moves away
red stilettos

Morgan Vogels

moving away from home
the polite girl
goes savage

key to freedom:
goody two shoes
moves away from home


freshly sharpened pencils
new blue denim
laughing in the hallway

 

 


nametag on
ready to hire
those to replace

nametag on
ready to work
first day on the job

boss man
ready to hire
another replacement

nametag on
ready to replace
the friends I just fired

nametag on
head held high
jobs to be done


adolescence
yikes
man

hair in odd places
temper fear
with memes

 

 

 


the red blanket
envelops her
a shiver

New Year's Day
watching movies—drowsy
in a fleece blanket

a violent shiver
the oversized blanket
envelops her

near-winter nights
a shiver enveloped
scratchy red wool

 

 


beside one Another
the bells ringing
denying who We are

Beside each other
bells ringing
lying to ourselves

beside each other
bells ringing
denying our truths

 

 


she trades
a cotton dress
for satin

she changes
from cotton house dress
to a satin ball gown

housewife by day
transforms
with a change of fabric

an unimpressive cotton dress
the doorbell rings
I throw on satin

night on the town
a satin dress
better than her cotton

Shannon

cotton dress
worn and faded
in the back of the closet

freshman fall
her reluctant trade
cotton for satin


Easily distracted?
I notice things
worth loving.

This haiku stood out to me because it didn't really feel like a moment to me. I also think that this haiku (and this feeling) could be more powerful if it was shown through an image rather than the author telling the reader what they think directly. Anna

 

 


wind and sand
water and booze
don't forget sunscreen

a warm breeze
water, sand, sunscreen
don't forget the booze

A warm breeze
water, and, sunscreen
don't forget the booze

Wind, sand,
        water, and booze.
Sunscreen tops the list.

wind, sand
water, booze
forgotten sunscreen

a warm breeze
water, sand, and sunscreen
my throat still burns


vacant pool
filled with leaves
instead of children

pool is empty
filled with leaves
instead of splashing and laughter

children off to school
vacant pool
filled with leaves

pool full— 
leaves,
    not children.

summer turns to fall
the children are gone
leaves swimming instead

children off to school
vacant pool
filled with leaves

vacant pool
filled with memories
instead of water


long days
the harvest scent
combine running lights

combine running lights
at the end of a long day
the scent of the harvest

 

 


weathered teddy bear
nailed to a roadside cross
artificial flowers faded

where the wreck happened
weathered teddy bear
and a roadside cross

weathered teddy bear
cracked paint on a roadside cross
reminds of tragedy from long ago

teddy bear
on a telephone pole
faded plastic flowers

sun faded flowers
weathered teddy bear
nailed to a roadside cross

weathered teddy bear
artificial flowers faded
nailed to a roadside cross

artificial flowers faded,
a teddy bear        worn,
nailed to a cross.

artificial flowers faded
teddy bear worn
nailed to a cross

worn teddy bear
nailed to a cross
fading flowers

fading artificial flowers
weathered teddy bear
hanging on a roadside cross

weathered teddy bear
nailed to the backroad cross
her favorite flowers wilting


eye contact
red faces
hello

stare down
in the cafeteria line
his cheeks redden

eye contact
blood rushes— 
Hello

eyes lock
cheeks flush
hello.

accidental eye contact
a timid hello
brings a soft blush

Eyes meet.
          Faces flush.
                    Hello

eye contact
across the classroom— 
heat in my cheeks


lights out gossip
late night
giggling

pitch-black
giggles and gossip
throughout the night

talking about life
the best talks
happen after midnight

girls' dorm hallway
late night giggling
juicy gossip


forgot a towel
the cold wind
freezes my hair

Christmas break
forgot a towel
frozen hair

forgot the solution
the problem
cold wind freezing my hair

Matthew Vangunten


empty seat at the
spelling bee
melancholy

empty seat at the 
spelling bee
m-e-l-a-n-c-h-o-l-y

spelling bee
vacant seat
m-e-l-a-n-c-h-o-l-y

vacancy
at the spelling bee
m-e-l-a-n-c-h-o-l-y

spelling bee
the gym falls silent
when they turn to Joey's empty chair

"dee-eee-ess-ess-"
"Incorrect, 'disappointment'."
Leave behind plastic yellow chairs.


© 2016, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.