Smooshing Brown Fruit

This haiku makes me think someone in a new relationship, and she cannot think of anything other than her new boyfriend. She talks about him too much, and even though she can feel her friends becoming annoyed with her constant stories about every little thing he says and does, she can't stop herself. She is completely overwhelmed by her excitement to be in a relationship and her complete infatuation with him. She wants to spend every waking moment with him. However, she doesn't want to seem too eager and scare him away, so she is waiting for him to text her first. All day long she checks her phone in hopes that he has texted her. As she walks home from school, she tries to distract herself by thinking about other things. She pays attention to the things she walks, such as the dark green grass and bushes. Her mind slowly drifts back to him, and how badly she wants to see him. Not paying attention, she accidently steps on a pear, smooshing the brown fruit beneath her shoe.

phone lights up
hoping it's him
“Storage almost full”

Starry Night

As she looked up at the sky wondering what would happen to the safety of her family, she began to reflect upon her life, and how it led her to this position. She grew up privileged enough, in a strict Catholic family that never questioned whether God or family came first. Being forced to pray and read Bible passages every single day of the week made her tired and uninterested in her religion. She would sit at her desk while the nuns would teach and question everything they would say. Where was God? Where is Heaven? If it exists than how come we cannot prove it? How could God send his own children to Hell for eternity if really loved them? The lessons of her religion, which seemingly every adult had tried to impart on her, was not settling with her. Her parents would beat her for skipping class, when she would hate going so much that she hid in the playground outside of her Catholic school. The nuns would beat her, for not reciting her prayers correctly or in the right order. The priest would make her sit in his office the entire day, writing out “I love God” over and over again on the black chalkboard. By the time she was an adult she swore she would never practice a religion again. Her life was in her own hands, not the fate of some man in the sky who had a plan for her life. She would not pray, because who would she pray too? Over the years, she forgot how to anyway. She found love, married and had two children. She bought a nice house in a suburban neighborhood and lived the American Dream that she day dreamt about in the scratched wooden desks of school. Everything was perfect, until it wasn't. First her oldest son got sick. He was diagnosed with leukemia and spent a year in the hospital undergoing treatment. Then her husband unexpectedly passed away in a tragic car accident on his way to the city to see his mistress. It wasn't long after that her younger son was found to be severely diabetic, and would require constant supervision and care to keep his health. As she lay in the grass of her backyard, looking up at the stars, she wondered why her life had gone this way. She felt guilty for giving up on religion, and wondered if her life would be different if she had decided to go to church all of those years. She layed motionless, eyes watery, trying her best to pray and ask God for help. But she couldn't, she didn't know how. Just as she was about to close her eyes in utter defeat and despair, a star zipped across the sky. She didn't remember how to pray, but she did know how to make a wish. And she wished and wished on this star.

scratched wooden desk
she daydreams
about her future

A Wish

Beth was raised Catholic and always had extremely strong faith. She and her father would go to church together every Sunday morning. And every Sunday morning as she rolled out of bed, she would hear her father tell the same story about when he was her age, his father would make him go to church every day at 6AM and so she did not complain because she only had to go once a week at 9AM. This continued through her entire childhood until the day she left for college and had to go to church alone. She attended church her entire freshman year until the Sunday after the party second semester. She did not think that anything so horrible could happen to her, because God was always with her, but that Saturday night he was nowhere to be found and she was left alone. That Sunday she slept in and watched Netflix all day. She lost her faith in God and was no longer able to pray. The only wish she made was on a falling star; wishing that she could erase that Saturday night and be whole again.

sunday morning
comes and goes
I lay in bed

A Falling Star

James and Sara and they had been dating for a little over a year. They were deeply in love with one another, but Sara's parents were not too fond of James and wanted her to end the relationship. The parents knew he was bad news and Sara did not want to disappoint her parents. James was known to be a troublemaker as he had been arrested two times for robbing convenience stores and was the main drug dealer in town. Sara knew James did these things, but she didn't want to end the relationship because he treated her like a princess.

One late night, James asked Sara if she wanted to go up to a rooftop in the city to stargaze around midnight. Sara thought this would be so romantic and wanted to go on the date, but it was way past her set curfew. She asked her parents, but obviously they refused instantly and told her that she should stop seeing James. Sara was furious and stormed up to her room. She thought to herself for a while and decided to sneak out of the house to meet up with James. The two lovers headed up to a rooftop in the city, but they weren't alone. The truth was that James had arranged a drug deal and wanted to bring Sara with for fun. The man they were meeting on the roof slowly approached them and asked James if he had the stuff. James replied. "Yes, here you go." The man turned out to be an undercover cop and slapped cuffs on both James and Sara. The couple was arrested and taken in. James had been through this before, but Sara was losing her mind knowing that her parents would never forgive her.

While looking out the police car window, Sara knew she couldn't pray. God was very unhappy with her and so were her parents for sneaking out and getting busted with James. She gazed up at the sky and saw a shooting star. Sara watched it and streak across the sky and then fade to black. She slowly closed her eyes to makes a wish. Sara murmured, "I wish none of this ever happened and that I was back safe in my bed. I don't want my parents to be angry with . . ." But, before Sara could finish her wish, she opened her eyes and realized that it was all a dream.

madly in love
with the wrong man
my parents were right

Matchmakers

I remember growing up and going outside on summer nights and trying to catch lightning bugs. Me, my mom, and my sister, would all be outside and we'd spray ourselves with bug spray so we wouldn't get mosquito bites. Then we'd take our nets and jars and try to get the little glowing insects to join our little family for a few minutes and and hang out in the little jars. I imagine that sometime we probably caught two very special fireflies and they got to know each other that night when they were sitting together in that jar. It's a little bit sinister because they got to know each other in captivity, but at the same time these two cute little bugs might never have gotten to know each other if they hadn't been put together that night. Then after they were released they went back home together and they moved in together. I imagine that they started their own little firefly family after that. I picture it kind of like the bugs from the Disney movie "A Bug's Life." I see them living out their full lives together. Going on cute little bug dates and buying little insect furniture together and maybe even someday having kids together. They remember the night that me and my sister caught them and put them in that little jar together with fondness, and none of the fear that they had when it had first happened.

two little bugs
moving in together
living little bug lives

Throng of People

Studying abroad in Japan for the winter, Elyse was in way over her head. For starters, Japan was absolutely nothing like her home country of the Netherlands. On top of the huge culture shock, it was socially unacceptable for a 20-year-old woman to be travelling by herself in the 1960s. Oh, and she was broke, nearly friendless, and struggling with schoolwork, to boot. Unbeknownst to most, Elyse danced into the night. To put it simply, she was an exotic dancer, wearing only a sheer kimono. She took many lovers but was able to pay off all of her schoolwork and living expenses in merely two weeks. Within three weeks, she had fallen hopelessly and madly in love with a tall and kind man named Yuki.

At the end of the summer, however, Elyse knew that her newfound happiness had to end. She cut off all her hair and slipped away in the dead of a brutally cold night. By late evening of the next day, Yuki was devastated. Elyse was back in Holland. Her fiancé knew only that she succeeded academically. Yet, Elyse bore both men's disapproval deep in her heart, so they would never find out the secrets to her successes.

cold white winter
warm hearts stir
forbidden love

Adventure Day

Today was what my girlfriend, and hopefully soon to be fiancé, and I liked to call Adventure Day. Adventure day was a day that my fiancé and I started on our first date together. We are both outdoor enthusiasts so I took her on a hike up to the waterfall on Spencer's Mountain for our first date. It's an easy hike up to the waterfall, only a mile and a half. However, the top of the waterfall has some of the most beautiful views in the area and the waterfall – my goodness! – is the most beautiful waterfall for hundreds of miles. Hands down. And the best part about the mountain is that no one knows about it. I've been up maybe 20 times in the past couple of years and have seen maybe 15 other people on the trail. No one around and a beautiful hike made for the perfect first date in my eyes, and luckily my girlfriend thought so too. Three years to the date from that first date and it is time for my girlfriend, Jill, and I to take our sixth trip up to the waterfall. Although today, very much like that first date, will be a special day. Today, at top of the waterfall I plan to ask my perfect, beautiful girlfriend to spend the rest of her life with me.

We left our apartment at about five in the morning as I suggested watching the sunrise from the top of the waterfall and of course Jill agreed because sunrises are her favorite thing in the world (…after me!). We arrived at the makeshift trailhead, hopped out of the car, grabbed our bags, and started up the trail. Although, I must admit I had a bit of a scare when we go to the trailhead at first as I could not find the ring. After a couple of minutes of what I hoped looked like calmly searching my bag, I was very frantically searching in my head, I found the ring. The hike was easy, like usual, and we didn't see a soul, like usual. Jill couldn't have been happier and I couldn't have been more nervous. I knew she would say yes, we talked about spending the rest of our lives together many times, but none of that mattered now. I think I almost tripped over tree roots more than a couple of times because I was not paying attention to the ground in front of me. After a quick walk, and a couple of stumbles, we made it to the top of the waterfall.

This is where my memory gets hazy and my pits get even sweatier. (The cool breeze did not help one bit with the sweaty pits either.) From the top of the waterfall you could see the Spring Valley, the town we lived in on one side and the orange rays from the sunrise on the other. After a couple of silent minutes of standing hand in hand and admiring the sunrise I decided it was time. I took my backpack off and set it on the ground beside Jill's. Then reached into the front pocket and pulled out the ring when Jill wasn't looking. With the ring now in my pocket I grabbed Jill's hands and took a knee in front of her. I told her how much I loved her and I how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her before asking if she would be wife. She paused, to wipe a tear from her eye, and then finally answered with a yes.

We stayed for the rest of the sunrise and a little longer and talked about our future while our words were carried away by the rushing water of the waterfall.

top of the mountain
the rest of my life
with her

Zipper Closes

It doesn't matter anymore. They made up their mind and they left. The family situation at home had gotten worse, it had escalated to what it was. Their parents would come home from work screaming and it was a never-ending war zone. Out in public it seemed like they were an ideal family, they had it all together, and genuinely loved each other. Nobody is going to think that anymore, since their only two children left home and ran away. Their oldest, 15-year-old daughter has essentially been the care taker of their seven-year-old son for the past year now. The parents put too much of their effort and time into fighting one another that their children are left in the dust. It's the middle of the night Thursday and the daughter went to wake her brother up. Both of them had packed earlier that night for the trek that is ahead of them while their parents were fighting. They sling their backpacks filled with clothes, food, and the little boys stuffed elephant and head out into the dark, quiet night. The daughter has her map printed out of their route they are going to take. Head south, towards Georgia, and go to one of the shelters or churches in the surrounding area, that is the plan she had. She was not quite sure what the overall goal was of their journey, all she knew was that wherever they end up it would be better than what they had back at home. As long as she had her little brother with her, they would figure out where to go and what to do. On their journey the two siblings talked about their past childhood experiences that brought back happy memories. That time when they went to a baseball game and their dad caught a home-run ball for them. And when their mom set up sprinklers and a slip n slide in the back yard that one summer when it was blazing hot outside. The two children were laughing and smiling while they moved further and further away from their home. Suddenly they ran out of memories, and the sour experiences came to mind. Those nights when they were cuddled up next to one another because they couldn't fall asleep to the constant screaming and crashing of things breaking. Or when their parents would come home and immediately walk right past them not even acknowledging their existence. Then the little boy touches the scar next to his eye and remembers what made him want to leave for good. Their time at home was finished, they both knew they would be better off, wherever that may be.

cuddled up
next to my brother
parents scream and fight

The Plan

There was a woman who has grown up in a very religious-based family. Ever since she could remember she has gone to church every Sunday and to confession at least once a month. She believed that God had a plan for her so she trusted him with every decision and every choice she made. She was a very intelligent young woman who, with her work ethic, got into Harvard for pre-law and then to Yale to finish her degrees. While in Yale, she met this man, two years older than her but in the same class, also aspiring to become a lawyer. He was perfect. Sea-foam green eyes, with dark brown hair that swooped down to his full eyebrows with that five o'clock shadow no female could pass up. In her eyes, he was too good to be true, but they hit it off right away. Whenever they were not in class, they would spend every waking moment together: eating food, taking a walk, or simply just on the couch enjoying each other's company. However, the thing she admired most about him was his commitment to God. Every Sunday in school they would put on their church clothes and walk hand in hand just like a married couple and embrace the service they were attending together. It was a picture perfect relationship.

It was the summer going into their last year before graduating school for good and taking their romantic lives out into the real world when the woman found out she was pregnant. She has no idea how this happened as they did everything right to keep from having a child. Initially, they were extremely worried about how this would affect not only their relationship, but their gradation and their career after graduation. But trusting in God, they knew this was only part of the plan. They didn't know exactly why this was part of it, but their belief overpowered any doubts they had. In March, two months before graduation, the two had a beautiful baby girl, Elizabeth. She looked as much like her father as she did her mother. The second she was put in their hands, they knew why God had planned this in their life.

For the next two months, the two of them balanced having a child and graduating as best as they could. And while it was a struggle, they managed to get to the day before graduation. But only the woman would be able to walk across that stage.

The night before graduation, the man believes that he deserves a night out with his brothers after an extremely stressful past two months. They go out to a bar and get intoxicated to the point where he cannot handle his thoughts and actions. Drunk, he decides to get into a car with two other friends that had also been drinking that night, although one claims he is sober enough to drive. On the way home, less than two miles from their destination, the driver thought he saw something in the road, swerved, and hit a tree, only killing the woman's lover instantly.

The news was brought to the woman at 4:32am that morning. What was supposed to be one of the happiest days of her life turned into the worst within five seconds of an explanation. She dropped to the floor and for the first time in her life, cursed God's name, reprimanding him and screaming that he messed up, this was not part of their plan. She was so heartbroken and torn and everything in her head went black.

She did not walk across that stage. She believed that she was only meant to be a lawyer if her other was there along with her.

A year had passed with her not going to church. She had become a nail artist at a salon in her neighborhood, raising Elizabeth on her own. That night, one year after losing her perfect person, she looked up into the clear night sky and wanted to pray, but could not. She loathed what God did to her life, to her family. As she was about to turn to go back inside to bed, something in the sky caught her eye: a shooting star. Something that had been gone far too long lit up in her eyes. She knew deep down that was him—her man, telling her to move on. There is something out there bigger and better for her, but she was the one stopping herself from finding it, not God.

That night she went to bed, and for the first time, she did not cry. She went to bed dreaming about tomorrow, and the possibilities in her head were endless, just like the love the two had shared.

sea-foam green eyes
forever looking at me—
gone

Hiding Under the Sheets

The young woman laid in her bed alone, her chest tight and her face moist with tears. When the sobbing became too much, she pulled her covers up above her nose, as if the fabric would stifle both her tears and her sadness.

She did not cry much at the funeral, so it made sense that she would be feeling so overwhelmed now, when the world was quiet and she was alone, forced to think about the emptiness in her heart. Of course, in some corner of her heart, she knew that she would be most likely outlive her older brother. But she did not expect the passing to come so soon, so suddenly.

Her small apartment did not hold in the hot or cold very well, so as the young woman cried, she began to feel the heat of the summer night that was seeping into her bedroom. The walls were thin, and although the woman was trying her best to not disturb the neighbors next to her, she had the distinct feeling that they could hear her.

Finally, after the air underneath the covers was hot and sticky, the woman came up to breathe. She looked to her white, water-stained ceiling and let out a definitive sigh. She allowed the tears to continue falling, as she slowed her breathing and managed to control her sobs. Her mind wandered to other matters—when she should return to work, if her mother needed help with anything the following day, a mental list of those she should call to thank for the well wishes—and eventually she began to feel a sense of calm.

Grief is unpredictable, and because of this, it is useless to attempt to control it. The woman knew many nights like these would follow, and this sense of acceptance was both reassuring and frightening. Reassuring because she felt her brother deserved to be mourned; frightening because it is always frightening to look to the future and see pain.

Overcome with a sudden sense of restlessness, the woman peeled her slightly sweaty body from her sheets and started towards her bathroom. She did not turn on the light—did not want to see her reflection in the mirror—and reached for the cup on the counter when she entered. She filled the cup with lukewarm tap water and quenched her burning throat. A few more drinks, and the burning was still there. The woman pondered if she would ever feel relief from it, and then headed back to her bedroom.

The sheets were now cool, and her chest was not as tight as she slipped into her bed. She looked to her ceiling again, and started to count. She counted until the sun illuminated a new day.

tears dry on my face
how many hours
have passed

Whispers In My Ear

He rattles the pill bottles in one hand and takes a swig of absinth from the other. I try to swallow my nervousness. My shaky breath vibrates in his ear and he snaps his head back at me. “You said you wanted to do this, right?” I clench my jaw and grip his forearm. “I'm not sure anymore.” He sighs and scans around beyond the cliff, his legs dangling past the edge. “Then why are we here? I wasted so much of my time on you! You said you'd do it with me. I don't want to do it alone”, he snarled. I hesitantly stand up and start walking towards the silver sedan. “Where are you going?” He yells and tries to grasp my foot, but fails. Not looking back, I set my pace a little faster as I continue walking towards the car. I hear dirt being kicked behind me as he stands up and trots over in front of me, grasping my arm. “Listen, I'm sorry. But you just won't commit to me, won't you? I thought you loved me. If you really loved me, you'd do this for me.” My eyebrows furrow quickly as I scoff and open the door and sit in the driver's seat. “That's not love,” I whisper as I turn on the ignition and hear him sit next to me, tapping his long fingers on the glovebox. “Manipulating someone to literally kill themselves because YOU want to is not love. You are disgusting.” I switch to reverse and back away quickly from the cliff. “I'm dropping you off. You're not going to take your own life away because you don't want to get off your ass and fix your issues. You're just trying to run away from them.” “Well you're no angel either!” He retorts. “Why did you agree to this in the first place?” I briefly squeeze my eyes shut as we return to the paved road. I could barely see the sunset at this point. The fireflies illuminated the sky as I sped up while an awkward silence flooded the vehicle. The right side of my body feels his stubborn glare radiating towards me. Eventually, I pulled up to his olive house. “No”, he said curtly. I blink, waiting for him to continue talking. “I'm not going home. You can't make me.” “You are a child”, I huffed and exited the car, making my way to the passenger side. “What are you doing?” He mouths at me through the window. Silently, I open the car door and take the neon orange pill bottle and absinth, then shut the door. “What are you doing with that?” I heard him say again clearly, as he shuts the door behind him. My hand reaches towards his front door and knocks urgently. Before he could respond to me, a woman was asking me what I was doing at this hour, with the door open. “Your son just tried to kill himself”, I confess as I show her the bottles. “No, it's not-“ “Really? Again?” She scoffs at him. “How many more innocent girls are you going to trick like this?” Her eyes shoot daggers at him as she snatches the bottles from my hands and pushes him inside, closing the door behind her.

a window
to the night sky
fireflies swarm