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spring
sun
quiet conversation
in the grass
Jared
Stahl
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barefoot
in the rain
we confess
those unspoken feelings
Chrissy
Hulse
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spring
rain
gently tapping my window
embraced in his arms
Miranda
Baker
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sweet
magnolia blossoms
playing footsie
under the picnic table
Ryan
Jones
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I
chose these two because I think they are both very well written.
The first one paints this beautiful image of the grass and the
sun. This, by default, makes us feel warm, thus making the
conversation that is being had a warm and gentle conversation.
This is a great image. Then we get the second poem.
In this one we start in a much different way, with the rain.
Maybe it is just me but rain helps to symbolize passion. Think
about love scenes in Hollywood, the "best" ones are
under a waterfall or such, therefore showing the passion of rain.
So, when we get the rain setting the scene, instead of the sun
a totally different image is poised. Then we get this great
word "those". If we were to confess unspoken feelings
it would not be the same, but when we confess "those"
unspoken feelings, this poem takes on a deep meaning and the passion
of the rain carries through. That is why I chose the second,
I feel that there is much more passion involved. —Christopher
Bronke
The
first haiku gives a feeling of peacefulness and warmth.
You can feel the warm spring sun on your shoulders and the soft
grass on your feet. Quiet conversation creates a romantic
feeling and also includes the sense of hearing. The second haiku
also captures the feel of spring with the cool splashing of rain
on barefeet. The sense of hearing is also included in this
one with unspoken feelings. Both these haiku are a bit romantic
and both are peaceful, but the last line of the second poem is
a bit awkward. The first haiku is simple, to the point, but beautiful
and leaving enough room for reader imagination, therefor the first
haiku wins this match up. —Jennifer Griebel
I
chose to compare these two haiku. I like the first haiku
for its simplicity. It takes a simple, common idea, but
makes it appealing to the ear. It presents an overall warm
feeling, but you as the reader feel like you are intruding in
on a conversation. This reminds me of quiet time spent between
two close friends. The second haiku presents almost the
same idea, but just in a little different way. I thought
the author used too many words to get the point or idea across.
It wasn't as nice and simple as the first one. But, I did
get the same feeling as the first. I feel like I am intruding
in on this special conversation. I like the overall idea
of the haiku, but I think it was a little too wordy. —Stacey
Orr
Both
of these haiku capture that quiet moment out in nature with someone
else. The first one adds the element of light shining down
on you and your significant other. They could be walking
through a grassy field, or on a blanket. It is very calm
and peaceful. The second haiku really capture the moments
with its imagery. The barefoot really helps with the visualization.
Also, the words confess and unspoken are very emotional words
that can grab your attention. For this reason, we chose
the second haiku to move on. —Paul Schershel
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The
thing I liked about this one was the first line "spring rain"
and how it really set the mood of the haiku. It goes along with
the second line in that it could be pouring outside, but for some
reason it's soothing because it's "spring" rain. For
some reason everything can seem a little nicer during springtime
when it starts getting warmer, people start going outside more,
and plants begin to bloom.
This
second haiku was one of my favorites because it was unique.
To describe the magnolia blossoms as "sweet" really
gave this haiku feeling. Then it goes in to playing footsie under
the picnic table which just gives a really cute, springtime feeling.
This one just made me happy and all warm and fuzzy inside. I chose
the footsie haiku because it's more original and descriptive.
I think the first one was a good haiku, but the concept is overdone.
Every word in the second one was very significant and descriptive.
—Bill Flowers
I
enjoy these two matches because they describe two different kinds
of love and flirtations. The first is more sincere and gentle
while the second is more playful and like puppy love. Our group
(as I personally) chose the second of the two to move on. Our
reason was that the emotion and the season were more involved
in the haiku. The adjectives used to describe the scene helped
to give the love scenario a more flirtatious and playful edge.
—Erin Osmus
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spring
sun
quiet conversation
in the grass
Jared
Stahl
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sweet
magnolia blossoms
playing footsie
under the picnic table
Ryan
Jones
|
•
|
spring
sun
quiet conversation
in the grass
Jared
Stahl
|
|
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windy
afternoon
the rippling sound
of her kite
Miranda
Baker
|
|
•
|
windy
afternoon
the rippling sound
of her kite
Miranda
Baker
|
•
|
|
windy
afternoon
the rippling sound
of her kite
Miranda
Baker
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soft
blue blanket
rosy flowers bloom
on tall bushes
Bri
Hill
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windy
afternoon
the rippling sound
of her kite
Miranda
Baker
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walk
in the park
the flag blows
in the spring wind
Aaron
Meyer
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scent
of spring
on the south wind
breathe deeper
Jennifer
Griebel
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soft
blue blanket
rosy flowers bloom
on tall bushes
Bri
Hill
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Between
these two haiku, I chose the first as the best one. The
second one certainly creates a nice sense of gentle, lazy motion
with the word "walk" in the first line and the image
of a flag blowing in spring wind, which itself implies a sort
of gentleness. With that sense of easy motion tying together
the haiku, the poem creates a nice sensory perception for the
reader. The first poem, however also creates that same sort
of easy motion with the reference to the "windy afternoon"
and the rippling of the kite. What sets the first one apart
for me, however, is the author's addition of sound. With
such an addition, not only does the reader get a nice visual image,
but they also can literally hear the gentle motion implied in
the first line of the poem. It is this addition of sound
that clearly allows the reader to more completely place himself
in the scene. —Bri Hill
I
enjoyed the visual as well as the sense it created, the word "rippling"
really sets that emotion and feeling. However, I would like to
make an edit suggestion, that the author edits the word "sound"
because its unnecessary, you can hear the kite already. I can
truly create a visual with this one, and hear that kite blowing
in the wind as its flying higher in the sky. —Chrissy Hulse
The
first haiku provided a very vivid image of the kite flying in
the sky, and the work "rippling" just adds to the sound
effect to the picture. The second haiku portrayed a very
heroic scene. Especially during this current war with Iraq,
the haiku gave me an image of "our flag was still there."
The flag itself symbolizes freedom and with it blowing in the
spring wind I saw the symbolic of freedom bringing new lives.
At other times I would choose the first haiku over the second
one because of its word usage. However, with the current
state of the war with Iraq, the second haiku caused me to incorporate
all of my senses and think deeply about what is happening in the
world right now. —Xiu Ying Zheng
I
enjoy both of these haiku. The first haiku gives a definite image
in you head. You can feel the wind as you begin to read. I think
that there could possibly be some reference to how warm it is
here. Once the image of kite flying comes in the reader then feels
the temperature of the haiku. Maybe “spring wind, the rippling
sound, of her kite”. This way the reader feels the air with
the wind. The second haiku gives a great image. The first line
gives the seasonal element right away. At least I don’t know
many people that walk in the park on cold days. The image of the
flag blowing gives character to the haiku. I however think that
a sound adjective would work better here. Then you can bring more
senses into the haiku. Despite the serenity and immediate warmth
of the second haiku, I have to choose the first as the winner.
—Lauren Taylor
This
was our first contest winner . . . as a group we discussed the
reasons we enjoyed this haiku in comparison to others. We all
agreed that this haiku’s descriptive words set up for us
a specific sound of a kite blowing in the wind. The use of the
words windy and rippling is what made the haiku work for us and
in the end, made it our favorite. —Tricia Scholl
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•
championship pair •
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nighttime
showers
the flowers
begin to bloom
Lauren
Taylor (10)
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windy
afternoon
the rippling sound
of her kite
Miranda
Baker (12)
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•
|
windy
afternoon
the rippling sound
of her kite
Miranda
Baker
first place
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•
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perfect
day
ten minute downpour
floods the diamond
Miranda
Baker
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at
the park
wind blowing out
to left field
Aaron
Meyer
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spring
afternoon
on the porch
swinging with the breeze
Jennifer
Griebel
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quiet
warm afternoon
swinging alone
on the driving range
Nate
Carden
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Although
each pair in the contests of spring haiku and college senryu
were similar, I felt this pair was more interesting. I
like the way both of the haiku bring in the essence of the sport
of baseball. I picture someone sitting on the bleachers
in the park watching a baseball game. It is a peaceful
atmosphere in both haiku. They put a good feeling in the
reader's mind by setting the mood on the first line. The
first haiku then describes the sudden rain interrupting the
game and interrupting the perfect day at the same time.
The second haiku also describes the outdoor elements, talking
about the wind blowing out to left field. I really enjoyed
comparing these two haiku and analyzing the differences between
them. —Aaron Meyer
I
choose the first one because it related to me more personally.
I remember this happening as a kid growing up... it's a beautiful
afternoon... the neighborhood kids all ready to go play baseball.
then it rains for like 10 minutes and then the diamond is soaked
when you get there to play so it ruins everyone's plans to play
ball on such a nice day. i like the picture it paints
and has more to it than the other one. —Nate Carden
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These
two haiku are very, very similar in word choice and in their
general idea, but the differences in their presentation create
two very distinct images. Both are set in spring afternoons,
even sharing the word “afternoon,” and also involve
the action of “swinging.” The first of the haiku creates
setting with the line “spring afternoon,” immediately
bringing to mind all the images associated with spring: blue
skies, green grass, gentle winds, and shining sun. This sets
the stage perfectly for the following lines. The second haiku
begins with “quiet warm afternoon.” While employing
“quiet” does a good job of establishing a sense of
solitude or loneliness, “warm” is not as effective
at giving the reader a sense of a seasonal element.
The
haiku then demonstrate some differences in how the action of
the poem is conveyed. Whereas the first places the action in
the last line, using the second line to further explore the
setting, the second haiku places the action in the second line
and uses the third to elaborate on setting. I personally did
not find significant differences in these choices overall. The
settings, however, did create different impressions of the haiku
in my mind. The first haiku is set on the porch, which again
immediately brings to mind seasonal associations of sun, warmth,
and good weather, whereas the driving range introduced in the
third haiku does not necessarily convey this message to the
reader. When thoroughly analyzed, allusions to warmth and spring
may be made, but they are not brought to mind as fluently as
when “porch” is used.
Again,
both haiku use the action of “swinging” to tell their
stories. The addition of the word “alone” in the second
haiku, however, is particularly effective in furthering the
sense of solitude that was derived from the first line. Placing
both “quiet” and “alone” give the reader
a strong impression of either loneliness or blissful independence,
depending on how the haiku is interpreted. In the first haiku,
the subject is swinging “with the breeze,” most likely
meaning an actual swing rather than the swing of a golf club.
Swinging with the breeze adds to the already strong impression
of a warm, gentle spring day that was demonstrated in the previous
two lines. This is why I found the first haiku to be more effective
than the second: all three lines work harmoniously to build
one strong impression of a beautiful spring day. Comparatively,
the second haiku does an adequate job of conveying a sense of
solitude, but the seasonal element is somewhat lost and the
rest of the haiku somewhat weakened by the lack of one consistent
image being presented to the reader.—Alyson Ludek
quiet
warm afternoon
swinging alone
on the driving range
vs.
spring
sun
quiet conversation
in the grass
The
"warm afternoon" haiku is nice because of it's word
link. When I first read it I assumed he/she was at the playground,
not the golf course. I like the fact that he/she is alone on
the range, because it seems to me that many people go to the
driving range it is be alone with their thoughts and I think
this is portrayed perfectly. The "spring sun" haiku
is also about quietness. However, this quietness is between
a couple in the grass being warmed by the spring sun. I really
like that it shows the closeness of two people. Overall, I think
the "warm afternoon" haiku should advance because
I really enjoyed the word link and where I expected to go and
where I went. —Candace Golden
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|
at
the park
wind blowing out
to left field
Aaron
Meyer
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quiet
warm afternoon
swinging alone
on the driving range
Nate
Carden
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•
|
nighttime
showers
the flowers
begin to bloom
Lauren
Taylor
|
|
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quiet
warm afternoon
swinging alone
on the driving range
Nate
Carden
|
|
•
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nighttime
showers
the flowers
begin to bloom
Lauren
Taylor
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•
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nighttime
showers
the flowers
begin to bloom
Lauren
Taylor
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echoing
of flip flops
in the stairwell—
spring time
Alyson
Ludek
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forecasting
a rain shower
another reason
to not wash my car
Xiu
Ying Zheng
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nighttime
showers
the flowers
begin to bloom
Lauren
Taylor
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echoing
of flip flops
in the stairwell—
spring time
Alyson
Ludek
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sandals
rub
against my feet
long walk
Paul
Schershel
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The
first senryu is unique because it introduces sound, which is
not too common. The author did an excellent job of using
a simple moment to invoke an underlying emotion and meaning
in the reader. The latter poem uses a similar idea, yet
it is not quite as powerful as the first. It is simple and not
overly wordy, yet it does not seem to invoke much emotion in
the reader. The first uses a sort of cliché by
saying "spring time", however I still find it superior
to the second. Michele LaBrose
These
two haiku I had a lot of trouble choosing between. Both to me
are great images. I like the sound in the first one of the flip-flops
in the stairwell. When I wear flip-flops I am constantly aware
of the really loud sound they make as the slap against the steps.
I also can appreciate the image and the feeling of the sandals
rubbing against my feet because I have had that happen many
times. Just when you can start wearing a fun pair of sandals
they have to hurt you! In the end I decided to choose the echoing
flip-flops because of the sounds as opposed to the feeling.
I guess I just enjoy the sounds better. —Amy Soderberg
Both
of these haiku really capture the feeling of springtime for
me. I can picture both vividly and have definitely experienced
each of these. The first haiku is very sensual in the fact that
I can hear the echo of the flip flops and totally get the feeling
that it is warm outside with the trees budding and the grass
becoming green. I like the second because this is something
that I encounter every single year. As soon as it warms up,
I'm out and about in my sandals. Even though my feet ache and
have blisters, I still continue to wear them because it's so
nice out I can't bear to wear anything else.
Although
I do like the scene portrayed in each of these haiku and can
better relate to the second, I have chosen the first to move
on in my matching contest. It gives a bit more to work with
and I like the image it creates using so few words and ideas.
—Courtney Ruffner
I
chose to discuss this pair for the matching contest. In our
group, we chose the first haiku over the second haiku for a
few reasons that I will go into in a moment. I too, thought
the first haiku was superior. Both capture an essence of warm
weather that I think few people consider--the pleasures and
pains of wearing sandals. There is freedom in sandal wearing,
but worn too long, and sandals can rough up one's foot. The
first haiku is interesting because of the sounds portrayed.
Not only do we have the distinctive click of the flip-flop,
but we also have that sound in a stairwell, implying a dorm
to me. I remember this sound very well from my freshman year
here at Millikin, and the clicking of sandals can really echo
in a stairwell. I also like the order of this poem, since flip
flops in a stairwell are not enough to convey spring time--someone
could be doing laundry. The order, however, sets the stage for
the revelation, and there is a moment of "ah!" felt
when we know that this sound heralds spring.
The second haiku is interesting as well. This haiku focuses
on touch more than sound, although I can still hear the sound
of sandals clicking against a foot, which they seem to do after
long trips. I feel the blisters from walking too long in this
piece and the fatigue, and I think the word choice is excellent.
Long walk also conveys mystery to this haiku, and I want to
know why the individual had been walking so long. However, the
first haiku won out because of the clear depiction of spring,
even if it was a little overstated, while the second could easily
be summer or early fall as well. —Ryan Jones
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©
2003, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.
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