Global Haiku Tradition--Rengay Attempts 1, Spring 2004
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brand new
swimsuit sticky aloe warm shower
water drying off a SLAP on
the shoulder cooler in
hand Julia Shaver & Ben Kress I like this rengay attempt the best because of it’s appeal to the senses. There are sensory words in each stanza and all of them are different. There are sounds, tactile images, smells, and visuals. Adam |
long drive
home friends having
fun sitting bar hopping
seeing friends
planning
trip early Julia Shaver Unlike many of the submissions, this rengay seemed to flow with one common thought throughout the entire piece. While many of the others did revolve around a centralized topic, the lines seemed to connect in a very cut and paste kind of way. The Return occurred in chronological order in relation to travel and the time of day. I particularly enjoyed the imagery and the sense of loneliness. The person does not seem to be in a huge hurry to get to the destination, yet is reflecting on the amount of time it is taking to get there. I really enjoy this rengay. It is by FAR my favorite. Jennifer Toney |
crook'd
walking stick soft sounds-- tired hands white lines
Travis Meisenheimer & Patty Franke |
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camera clicking shuffling
quickly robin’s
return vibrant
voices cds, tapes,
and cigarettes double
exposure Alida
Duff |
sudden shower forming
puddles darkened
day white
porch swing windows open dripping
clothes Alida
Duff They use word linking several times by mentioning words describing rain, wetness, or dripping for example. It also plays off of colors by using the words "darkened and white." These give rapid imagery changes as well as linking the context so its cool that way. Casey Turnipseed The links in this rengay are effective because they vary in type: the first is a scent link, the second a content link, and the third a content or word link depending. The Rengay itself forms a narrative without using only content links, and the scent links within are quite good. Nick |
sandy beaches flipflops
and swimsuits sun blaring right hand
sun slowly
melts partying
all night Brianne
Dilbeck I really like this Rengay because it takes you to a place of fun and excitement. It pretty much takes you to spring break and lets you experience it without actually being there. It starts you off with the scenery of where you are. After that it describes some events that took place, which really brings the reader in and gets them wandering what next. It also concludes with a scene describing how they left. It shows that the fun never stopped, even though they had to get up at sunrise the next morning. Tony Douglass I think the best two links are the third and fourth links in the rengay. The third link really caries the meaning of spring break: to relax and worry about nothing but enjoying yourself. This links is composed of nothing other than content links, which helps the reader paint the picture of the scene. From this link, I see a gut lying on a crowded beach all day during break. The third links also helps to provide a tie to the fourth link. The fourth link is undoubtedly a word link, giving the reader objects to relate to and a pun to keep their attention. The pun comes from the freezing line in the fourth link. The hand is not really freezing, but the rest of the body is so hot that you cant tell any different. The fourth link also helps to give evidence of the relaxation the third link implies by using the object of the beer. This helps to paint the whole picture of the spring break experience: Drinking, sunbathing, and relaxation. Ben Kress |
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no clouds beaches and
girls hot, hot
sun sunset is
near just one
more drink carried home Benny Hooper |
A Trip To The Alcohol Store list in hand he zips up
his jacket RH only shopping
cart left BK alcohol aisle cashier station…
BK loading the
car Ben
Kress |
birds chirping rain pouring
down spring flowers robins eggs april showers new life Brianne Dilbeck I like this regay because it’s beautiful display of God’s creations! This regay describes nature at it’s best! I love nature, so I love this haiku! Maureen Coady |
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Ode to Junk Food jelly-filled… Saturday
night unwrapping
the foil movie
theater popcorn salt
craving mustard
and onions Molly
Pufall |
Adversity yearly holiday
dinner snow falling
thickly ice on the
road frustrated
phone calls courageous
caravan sitting down
to eat Maureen
Ritter |
The Return open road searching
through music two empty
cokes rest stop counting
the miles tops of trees familiar
sights unpacking
the suitcase Maureen
Ritter |
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old boat
motor KABOOM! splash… all aboard—I
leap starboard holler in
the distance Yo Ho, Yo
Ho Casey
Turnipseed I like this rengay because I enjoy boating. I bought my first boat last May and I love nothing more than getting out on the water! I feel that the links work well because they add a little extra “moment” to the storyline. The last line is my favorite-I didn’t expect it! Jennifer Rule |
Nameless sipping tropical
drinks sand between
my toes palm trees
sway one drink sharing a
sunrise long trip
home Megan Minogue My favorite rengay is “Nameless.” I like how the first three verses are linked with tropical objects like sand, palm trees, and tropical drinks. You get a good connection in theme here. Then you have this progression of a person alone on a beach or just alone and then opening up to the experience of the beach which leads to drinking too much and perhaps something not to tell the speaker's significant other. This rengay flows and connects better than the others I believe, which is why I liked it. Travis |
Romance quilt of
color fire blazing snow cascading heart beating
rapidly abrupt movement
empty box Megan Minogue My favorite Rengay attempt was ROMANCE. I really enjoyed the story that it told; I found it very romantic and personal. In the second link, I liked the second line of "wine glasses clink." The first line set the scene of a hot fire blazing, and the second line made me hear the noise of the two glasses touching. This was a good use of a content link, furthering the progression of the scene. I also really liked the fifth link. The reader does not realize that the reason she is alone is because he has gone down on one knee until you read the next link of the haiku. I think it makes the reader read on, and I think it is another good use of a content link. The scene was a very clear image for me. I really enjoyed this Rengay the most. I wanted to keep reading, and I think it was a nice way of creating a very clear image, yet the reader still didn't know what would happen at the end. --Jenny McGeehon |
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cool spring
sun two
women gossipping short chained
leash mother
and son arrogant
jogger PDAs
in the park Cliff Ault I find this haiku to be delightfully hilarious. I feel it is a great commentary on life, both fast and short paced. I like how the writer attempts to connect different aspects of life in the park that an observer would see in a matter of a few minutes. I think the links work, perhaps in a more unconventional way that normal, but nonetheless still work. It is written as if the reader is seeing the rengay; it jumps from one scene to another, just like our eyes would be doing if we were actually there. There are also an array of emotions expressed both on the writers end and the people being observed. We have two chatty women who probably just need more substance to their lives in the second link. Then we move to a very funny scene where a person is having trouble gaining control of the dog (who hasn’t seen this at some point in life?). The next link is more calming, as we imagine a mom and son playing in the park, totally absorbed in one another. The arrogant jogger link is also very funny to me because to me, nature should be nothing but humbling and then here comes a jogger, trying to show off but in the end, fails dismally. Lastly, we have certainly all seen a gruesome couple showing too much affection in the park. Overall, a lot of these scenes are probably very unoriginal, but the fact that the reader could make them come to life was particularly impressive to me. I think that is why I like this rengay so much. —Molly I liked this one because I also like to “people watch”. So when I read it, I could picture the people and see myself sitting there looking at everyone. Brianne |
summer night
concert walking home under the
stars dropping
his gaze a secret our love
grows Cliff Ault I like this rengay the best because of its strong use of content links to connect the story line throughout. There is an evident progression of the links, which make the rengay enjoyable to read. The surprise element at the end is also very effective. Because the love continues to grow in the final link, it gives this rengay a feeling of continuance that furthers the story beyond what is written. Alida Duff After reading this rengay it made me smile, it kept my attention the whole time and you never know what was going to happen next. When I first read it I thought that the girl was going to share a secret that she cheated on the love of her life, not that she was pregnant. With in this rengay I think the authors did a wonderful job of using the sent link. What I mean by that is as the rengay slowly grows the mood changes from happy in love to very serious and stressful, then back to happy and in love. It also has that element of surprise as in the last haiku, “our love grows, with the child.” Like I mentioned before that was the last thing that I thought was going to happen with the couple. Alison Burns |
cheer me
on sunshine
tractor ruts
puffs skin tightening lemon juice midmorning
sunbeams Casey
Turnipseed |
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The Singing Dutchman time passes he’s
singing again too lazy
to walk Oh God! in “A”
flat the cat Casey
Wilson |
Coal the Cat the cat pounces with…. the kitten the cat a tiny gray
blur this kitten
is vicious Casey
Wilson |
Spring Break 2004 Spring Break cold
wet rain 15 minute
tanning session trapped in
Decatur day
dreaming of memories being made flood of
rain Tony
Douglass |
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Red corvette starting
the engine fresh tires
squealing the speed
increases the police
car pulls out he writes
out the ticket Jennifer Rule & boyfriend |
spring drive warm rain bare feet
soggy socks
rolling green
lawn a child sleeps Nick
Curry |
First Signs of Spring fresh cut
grass fly
flies by worker ant baseball
soars parents scream sun
peaks through Jenny
McGeehon I really like the linking of this haiku because every link has the same sounds to it. Like the F sound in the first link. I feel it really makes the phrases fit together because they have common sounds. There is also a reoccurring S sound throughout the whole haiku which I think sounds very cool when you read it aloud. Julia Shaver |
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Silent Drifter a midnight
moon sparkling
stars light the way following
wolf tracks an undisturbed
trail scent
of firewood forgotten Katie
Steimann: A |
Crush napkin
doodles: disco
ball lights heart
spilt warm
rain your
hand full
Colby
Hanik |
Growth hips swaying April sunrise private corner lingering
scent of summer my rough
hands romantic
Sunday afternoon Molly
M. Pufall |
©
2004, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.