Global Haiku Tradition • Spring 2004
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Haiku on Summer Love unrequited Travis Meisenheimer hand in hand Molly Pufall Our group had a debate over these two haiku. We ended up choosing the first haiku as the winner of the two's battle. I did not agree with this decision. The first haiku is too similar to an earlier haiku we had in the semester (something about throwing your letters into the fireplace.) Though the first haiku sets a very clear image, almost a funny one--why is he throwing her letters into a BARBEQUE PIT--I still enjoyed the ice cream image more! Our group's topic was summer love, and this haiku beautifully displays a young summer love. I picture a blistering hot August afternoon, the sun beating on the young (junior high aged) lover's backs. They are hot, but awkwardly happy to be together (at the junior high age, holding hands is an awkward experience, no matter how much you like the person!) I see smiles, a red sun and red sunburns, and sweaty hands. The ice cream is a nice contrast to a very humid picture. This is a fun haiku and in my opinion, it could have won the entire competition! Bummer that my group out-voted me! Maureen Coady heart in the sand Maureen Ritter driving back home Ann Anderson Our group's final decision for the winning haiku came between the preceding poems. I believe that valid arguments for each haiku were presented. Personally, I felt that the second poem was more applicable to our original theme of "summer love." It embodied a real feeling of the brevity of summer love and the emotional need to cling to the hope of next summer. The repetition of 'n' sounds was also very strong. Others felt that the use of two '-ing' verbs was too much, making the poem "wordy." I personally wasn't bothered by this, because I liked the emotion associated more than the visual elements. We finally agreed that the first haiku was the overall most successful. There was a definite visual image, and it left a lasting impression. I enjoyed the repetition of 'a' vowel sounds throughout, which made the haiku flow easily. Overall, I feel we chose the best haiku for this matching contest. I was happy with our final choice. Alida Duff Haiku on Faces As contest organizer, I was given the daunting task of pairing up each of the haiku submitted to my group. I looked for certain similarities between the haiku, and almost always relied on content or meaning to match them up suitably. The two following haiku immediately jumped out at me as being perfect haiku partners: worry laughter sadness Jennifer Toney crows feet battle Colby Hanik Working with the same idea - wrinkles - these two authors created haiku with different surface meanings but similar undertones. The first haiku provides a wonderful image of an old woman who has embraced the tiny lines that have spread across her face. She wears them proudly, almost like badges or medals of honor for having lived a full, complete life. Our group loved how the author included three very different emotions in the opening line, all of which quite assuredly will cause wrinkles down the road! The inclusion of laughter, however, really made the first line outstanding. The author has captured the idea that a long life includes many, many happy moments, and that "proof of life" consists of the good and the bad. The second haiku creates an image of another old woman, this one not so accepting of the age lines around her eyes. Our group envisioned the woman staring staunchly into the mirror, bottle of make-up in hand, ready to do whatever is necessary to fight the evidence of her age. "Crow's feet" is wonderfully descriptive, and fits the feeling of this haiku perfectly. It is a more defined way of saying "wrinkles," giving the reader the idea that perhaps this woman is looking extremely closely for that first sign of old age. However, the author reminds us that while these wrinkles may appear unappealing aesthetically, they are the "proof" of every memory, good and bad, this woman has encountered. Pairing these haiku created a fascinating discussion among members of our group. For me, this pair went through three stages: first, I thought the two haiku were instantly similar because of the subject matter, wrinkles. After reading each more closely, I decided that they presented vastly different images—the fight to conceal versus the ability to appreciate. However, in the end, I decided that while the two haiku go about it in different ways, they are really presenting the same underlying idea: wrinkles are what prove we have lived full lives. Maureen Ritter defined jaw Molly Pufall dry erase markers: Jenny Schultz (1st place) This haiku pair was one of the most difficult in terms of deciding which one would advance. Both haiku are high quality and it made our decision hard. The top haiku looks at the human face from an original perspective. Most people would look first to the eyes or a person's mouth. This author draws attention to the person' s well-defined jaw. Not only is it defined, but it is beautiful, "reflecting the angles" of the subject's beauty. The bottom haiku struck us all immediately with its original approach and clear picture. We all saw a similar image of a girl standing before a mirror very definitely drawing a more beautiful version of herself; altering the things on her body that she dislikes with the marker. We see her as a teenager or young woman who is unhappy with herself. After deliberation, we decided to advance the "dry erase" haiku because not only does it present a strong emotion like the first haiku, but it also gives you: a better sense of a setting, the movement of the drawing, and the smell from the markers. Katie Steimann one last hug Jenny McGeehon face in the dark Sylvia Hilton (2nd place) The concept of love is very strong in both of these haiku, though in the first, the love is being pulled apart, ending, the girl is leaving. The first line "one last hug" implies that she doesn't want to leave. In can be inferred that perhaps it was a summer fling or that there were just too many factors that kept her and her love from being together. "a single tear" is powerful, but also implies that maybe the girl had the idea that it wouldn't work out. It seems very subdued, she's hugging him, there's only one tear, and she walks away, this suggests that perhaps she's trying desparately to hold it all in until her lover can't see her anymore. The second haiku is my personal favorite. This deals with love coming together in a kiss. The scene is very calm, very silent, and sensual. "Face in the dark" gives us a sense that although yes, the room is dark, there is some sort of way that the two lovers find each other. Maybe it's light through the window, or a lighted clock or computer, or even that they just KNOW where the other is. The 'reaching forward' adds onto this, it builds to the final line "and meet your lips." Ooh, I get shivers. While this haiku is not overly original, it's wonderfully done and the progression of the coming together flows beautifully. It's sexy and sweet and it's a very clear scene. Sarah? bathroom sink— Alida Duff (3rd place) high noon Cliff Ault (3rd place) Haiku on Baseball grand slam Ben Kress (2nd place) backyard homerun Alida Duff (1st place) These two haiku were in the final round of the competition. It was between these two to decide which one won the competition. We liked both of them because they both had the element of surprise. In the first one, the runner slides into home, yet for a grand slam hit, the runner does not need to slide into home. This element added humor to the haiku, which we all enjoyed. We liked the second haiku because it was not like any of the haiku that were in the contest. This write took the different approach of writing about baseball in the backyard of your house. The last line "third to first" is what we liked most about the haiku. It gave everyone the image of a young child so excited that he/she hit a homerun that they forgot which way to run the bases, maybe they were being taught how to play baseball for the first time. We decided to choose this haiku as the winner because more people could probably relate to this haiku as a child learning how to play baseball in the backyard. This was a great haiku to spark childhood memories! Brianne & Jenny licking his hand Leigh Kitchell (3rd place) backyard homerun Alida Duff (1st place) These two haiku were hard for the group to choose between. We liked the first one because of the image we get of a person liking his hand. Also, the use of the ellipses was very effective in this haiku. Not only did the word anticipation lead the reader to wait, but the ellipses did as well. The first haiku gave the reader a good vision of what they were reading and feeling of anticipation. However, the competitor was the backyard homerun haiku. We liked this haiku most because it is something that everyone can relate to. We have all played baseball in the backyard, but the end line "third to first" put a little twist on the haiku. It is almost amusing, picturing a little kid running the bases backwards, but knowing that he got a homerun so it didn't really matter. This haiku was our choice in this match because how it relates to many people and the story behind it can be humorous. Brianne & Jenny one beer too many Maureen Ritter (3rd place) Haiku on Camping glimmering waters Molly Pufall (1st place) We as a group really felt that this was the most excellent camping haiku out of the whole bunch. This haiku starts off with a great image of a nice clear river or lake. Our group also thought the word glimmering was a very good word for this haiku and strengthens it as a whole. The word glimmering, implies that it is a warm sunny day with the sun almost blinding you off of the water. This first line really starts off this haiku well. We also liked the use of the word "glide" in the second line. This gives a nice relaxed feeling to the reader making it seem like there is no hurry to get there and they are traveling at a nice, relaxing pace. To complete the haiku, "kayaking alone" we thought was a really good ending to this haiku. It really makes the feeling of the second line sink in because the person is all by themselves just relaxing and enjoying their day. For a camping haiku, this is a true haiku moment. warm shower Jennifer Toney (2nd place) As a group, we all really liked this haiku as well. It was really tough to determine which haiku should be the winner because of this haiku. This haiku really is another great camping haiku because it implies a feeling that everyone has after they get back from camping. A warm shower is probably the single, and best feeling that a person can have after camping, which really gives the first line a nice sense of comfort and relaxation. The second and third line kind of go together, but give a great image of muddy, slimy, nasty water going down the drain of the tub. "My week's adventures" really helps to support the dirty feeling that the last two lines give as well as enforce the feeling that the first line evokes of a nice relaxing feeling of being home. This haiku is truly another great camping haiku because it is a moment everyone who has gone camping has. erecting the tent Katie Steimann (3rd place) August humidity Travis Meisenheimer (3rd place) Haiku on Fire flaming napkin Abe Millikin (1st place) next to the fire Ann Anderson (2nd place) sifting through ashes Cliff Ault (3rd place) the family's loss Maureen Ritter (3rd place) smoke Benny Hooper Both of these haiku are very good and deal delicately with a tender subject. With the second, there is a nice juxtaposition of the image of smoke and the image of a family mourning - we need no written connection to understand what has happened. The first haiku makes the same connection between fire and family, and while the connection is more explicit between the first two lines, the “haiku moment” of realizing that the fireman did all he could and it still wasn't enough is far more powerful. Having this family's loss “written in ash” shows us the destruction caused by fire as opposed to just telling us that the family has suffered a loss due to fire as the second haiku does. “The family's loss” moves forward in the contest. dark road Julia Shaver 4th of July… Ben Kress I like this pair because of the series of images presented. In both we are first given a sense of time and place, "dark road" and "4th of July" (here I am assuming somewhere on Main Street, USA). This is followed by another image of the event in the sparking cigarette and gathering crowd which transitions into the third lines by a form of movement. The way these haiku transition make them a great pair (not to mention they both have the break on the first line). I think the way these images transition are important to note because of how they reflect the image of the bouncing cigarette sparks and the flaming car--movement of images and words. Haiku on Politics abortion clinic presidential election This proved to be the most difficult match for me to decide. Some were decided rather quickly because of formal elements, but these two are both strong examples within the form haiku. Ultimately, though, it was a "technicality" that solidified my choice. While both haiku evoke strong images within my imagination, the first is superior in clarity. The second, while evocative and provocative, is missing the sense of place at which the first excels. I am duly impressed with both of these haiku because each of them presented a political issue without prematurely judging what the right answer (or way to feel) is or acting solely as commentary without the influence of human life. Nick Curry class election: Jenny Schultz (1st place) abortion clinic These two haiku were the final two that we had to compare and choose a winner from. It was a difficult match. The first one had an interesting perspective: dealing with a class election rather than the U.S. presidential election, as everyone else's did. The last line gave the haiku a little unexpected twist, yet it is very true. We, as a group, thought it was interesting that this last line not only applies to class elections, but any political campaign, including the presidential election. This haiku was concise and well-stated. The second was also a very interesting haiku. It stirred a lot of emotion and created and sharp image. It also contained many of the components of a good haiku; however, I thought it could have been more successful had the second line not been so wordy. The winner of this final round was the first haiku: class election. Sylvia Hilton abortion clinic eleven candidates I must say that to write a haiku about politics is evidently very challenging because it is hard to weave a personal feeling into the poem. I mean it is difficult to project a strong image rather than just a political statement put into a different form (three lines, two lines, whatever it may be). Comparing these two haiku, I clearly feel more emotion with the first one because it places the reader somewhere. The second one is more or less a thought; really no feeling attached to it. There is no effective cut anywhere in the second one because all three lines seem to be cut. None of them really flow into each other that smoothly. The first haiku at least places us somewhere with intensity happening around us. Despite the second haiku using the word "intensity" I feel that the first one definitely has more intensity attached to it. I still feel like the first haiku is a little bit wordy in the second line, but if I had to pick one over the other, I would still pick the first one because 1) it places us somewhere 2) it has a certain mood created for the reader and 3) there seems to be a purpose in the lines formation and cut. Molly M. Pufall closed curtain look what I found Selecting politics as our group's submission topic, we received a variety of different aspects of the topic. The comparison of the haiku above took place in the first round of the matching and comparison process. Our choice of the first haiku to move onto the next round was one of default due to the last line of the 2nd haiku. While the concept was original( you don't find many haiku about suicide, murder, or those that discuss such matters in such an abrasive and straightforward tone), we felt that the image of the gun going off could have been done in another manner. Whether suggesting the firing of the gun, or inferring that the gun would later be fired, the last line of the haiku seems too obvious. The first two lines lead the reader up to something great, but the 3 rd line doesn't deliver. When comparing the two, our group also discussed our satisfaction with the first 2 lines of each haiku, yet then our dislike of the last line. In the first haiku, I understood the idea, yet thought that the first and second lines served the same purpose followed by a third line that seemed a little dramatic. The ideas are there, and fit into the politics category very well, however we felt that when comparing the two, both haiku could stand revisions. Jennifer Toney |
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2004, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
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