I remember distant sins that I have committed. I walk out of the house that reminds me of the lonely life that I lead and walk into the garden in the back of the house. The stars are harsh that night and I felt that I had to explain myself to them. It was as if I was interrogated by the heavens for the blood in my hands. I paid the price for my freedom but at what cost. I find myself explaining my feelings to sky above me so that my thoughts can forget the past or at least so that I can deal with them. Is it not my right to go on living? The stars never dim or answer. I wonder if I will be able to escape the sins that I have committed. Once again I stare back at the sky; I walk back to my loneliness and live on.

walking out
quiet night
on a dark path

There is a small creek in the pasture right outside our bedroom window. In the summer, when we have the windows open at night, you can hear the horses get in the creek to cool off and eat the tender grass on the banks. Many times they’ll get water in their nose and snort. Occasionally, they’ll race up and down the creek. The first time this happened, I woke up and was scared because I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Now I love it when I wake up and can hear the horses outside in the creek.

racing around
with tails raised high
storm rolling in

In the back of my home in New Jersey there’s about two or three acres of wood surrounding a larger lake. My family owns the majority of this land, with another family to the left owning some of the rest. There are huge glacial rocks all around the woods, and one large one creates a smooth sort of landing that ends just before our home, and another a much steeper cliff a hundred yards or so where the land drops off before you reach the lake. The trees are all very old, and it goes without saying that during the day it’s very beautiful. But at night, that is another matter. The bedroom where I used to sleep on the second floor looks out to the glacial rock landing and far into the woods beyond. Sometimes, when you look out of that window you can feel some awful thing rising from beyond the lake side cliffs, and silently moving between the dark trees, watching you.

pale eyes
seeping into the room
watching

Shaina Sullivan’s cabin on Lake Mills, Wisconsin is by no means roomy. Often guests to the cabin find themselves sharing beds and dodging one another in the hallways. There is a line for the bathroom every morning as we ready ourselves for a day on the water. The size of the cabin is overlooked though when we motor the boat out onto the expansive lake. The sun heats up our bodies and we watch our skin slowly turn darker shades of brown. When we cannot take the heat any longer, we jump into the refreshingly cool water. Picnic lunches are packed and sandwiches are passed out along with chips on the beach, where we settle ourselves in the sand. Our days repeat themselves for a long weekend or occasionally a full week, but we never are ready to leave the lake. I return to the lake every summer with Shaina, and every summer we leave with a new set of memories.

cool murky water
refreshing on hot skin
adolescent laughter

I just got finished playing football in the mud with some friends. I arrived home to change and do a load of laundry and weirdly thought, “the washing machine is going to be happy that I just gave it a long drink of water.” Anyway, that was weird. I was about fifteen years old and given the task to do the laundry for all my family members. I placed the clothes in the washer, jam packed, and then I put in a lot of laundry detergent. I went upstairs and continued to watch the Saturday morning cartoons on the Disney channel. All of a sudden I heard a really loud noise from downstairs. I raced down the stairs to see what was going on only to see our washing machine banging against the wall uncontrollably. I was so scared I didn’t know what to do and nobody was at home to help me. Water was pouring everywhere from the washer and then it stopped. I looked inside the washer and the clothes were soapy and sopping wet. After I told my mom what happened, she contacted a repair man. When he came over to fix the washer I was by myself, and I was so scared. He started being rude and asking me questions like, “how much laundry detergent did you put in here?”

home from school
no dinner on the table
latch key child

As the cool water flowed around his toes, he felt at peace even though all of his thoughts were of turbulence. The fact of the matter is that it is difficult to ever truly be alone when he wants to be. It always goes that way: whenever you want solitude, you find yourself in a crowd. Whenever you want company, there is silence. But then there are those occasions where things fall into place and the sounds return to pure and easy. Everyone should have a place of one’s own, as he had his. It should be a place where you can be you. In the midst of turmoil, be it exams or war, relationships or death, there needs to be a place that you can call home.

wooden bridge
he can finally
breathe

It's been three weeks since I been home. My friends and families wait for my arrival. I have not planed a date. It seems as if I have been gone. The weekend finally approaches, its that time. After a three-hour long drive back to Northbrook, I get ready to get out of my car and open the garage.

I walk in to
the smell of cooking
my dogs bark to greet

Unloading my car with supplies from home, I’m back at my second home. Greeted by my roommates and my roommate and best friend George. It has been a long trip; it is nice to stretch my legs. Our dog Bailey is out on the leash barking at the passer-bys. My time at this place is coming to an end, after four years so much has changes. So much remains the same. So much has been done, and so much left undone. The street with the cars passing by is a welcomed sight. I sit down on my perch on the steps and greet fellow classmates as they walk by. This place will remain in my memory.

lost love
will stay in this place
that I have outgrown

We built our own house out in the country up on a hill about a block away from the Missouri River. There was a stream that went by the house and a pond around back. Needless to say, we didn’t have any trouble finding frogs as little kids. I remember one of my best friends would try to find as many as she could to make a “family” of frogs. It was great trying to watch her catch them and then keep the ones she caught from escaping as she got others. We would name them and designate which one was the mom and dad and so on. Now that I look back though, I think most of the names consisted of some form of Fred or George (aka Fred, Freddy, Fregina, George, Georgina, Georgy). I also remember that for the longest time we thought if a frog peed on you then you would get warts. I think it’s funny that we weren’t really scared of them unless they peed or a boy had one. I’m not sure why, but whenever a boy had one we would scream and run away like it was the grossest thing on the planet. I suppose the boys gave it cooties or something.
I think our favorite place to play was by the pond. If we got hot and tired, we would just go skinny dipping. The pond was up and over a hill, hidden in the trees so no one could see it unless they knew where to go. We would play for hours, swim and cool off, then play some more. Oh, the days when school didn’t rule my life. We were so carefree and oblivious back then. I always thought that I hated living in the country away from all my friends in town. However, now I can look back and see how much fun we had out there. We went four-wheeling, horse-back riding, on walks by the river, played in the pond and stream. I really miss it now.

skinny dipping
in the pond
only a frog watches

My father is a minister, and as a minister, my dad does a lot of things over and over again. So does my mother. Their work is very much a circle of events that happen over and over again. My dad is a Chaplain at a hospital, and my mother is a Chaplain at Hospice. They deal with death every day, and they deal with really sick people everyday. Every experience that they have does not become dull even though they have been doing this job for many many years. Every patient and everyone they meet is that much more important to them. They don’t look at it as another person to add to their list, they look at them as if they were their first, only, and last patient. When bad things happen to their patients, like if they die, they hold it in and then they release their own pain and frustration elsewhere. Their feelings do not become numb after awhile. My parents do what they do, but yet they are still caught by their own nail, their nail of sadness that things happen. They see this nail every day, but the strong meaning and emotion is still there.

I close my eyes and
I breath in the words of my father
a sweet chill up my spine

Everyone has that certain place they love to go. It may be connected to a scent or just being in the atmosphere. That person is usually with someone that they like to be with that makes this place so special. Going on a long walk along the beach is one of the best feelings. With that someone special by your side, you feel like nothing can happen and you have the ultimate contentment. The beach itself can just be a special place at night. The waves all are calming down with the moon and stars reflecting from above.

sand crushed beneath my toes
his words and mine are in sync
with the sound of the waves

In the Dominican Republic, I remember walking in the streets of Santo Domingo, holding hands with a man I thought I may never see again. I think back on all of the amazing scenery—everything is so old and aged yet so beautiful all at the same time. When walking through the streets, I remember thinking to myself, “How can I ever leave here and never come back?” I feel like a piece of me is still left in Santo Domingo, and I know I will go back and find my way there again in the future. I remember constantly having a smile on my face, feeling like I belonged there, those were my people. It was the first time I really danced with a partner and absolutely loved it. I even believe it is the first time I have ever truly felt love, and that is just an amazing feeling in itself. I felt love for their culture, their people, and everything else it had to offer. I visited the first cathedral in the Americas. I was there at night, spending some alone time, walking around the cathedral and it was so cool how the moon light illuminated the stone and brick of the cathedral.

your hand on my cheek
the stars gaze
among us

Roommates are never really who they seem to be. This is true for most anyone though. However, upon discovering the secret tendencies that people try so dearly to hide, it can be frightening, confusing, or comical. Take the fool will not let anyone touch or see his feet. When he is alone, he walks barefoot in dish soap. When he clips his toenails, he saves his clippings in the cigar box that used to belong to his grandfather. He has been saving them for over ten years it seems. The secret lives of men and women are fascinating.

bridge night
he tries on
his wife’s panties

My grandma always seemed old to me. She was from a slower, different era. She was always glad to see me and would take time to sit and visit when we were there. Small things were valuable to her, maybe because she lived through the Great Depression. Her needs were minimal, but her love for us was great. Her flower garden was her pride and joy and she always had beautiful flowers sitting around her home.

orange slices
in the glass candydish
next to fresh cut daisies

She can be found laughing and smiling throughout the day. Some might call her naïve and believe she laughs because she doesn’t know what is going on. The reality of it is that she chooses to laugh instead of weighing herself down with the stress of life. She is not ignoring it. She chooses to see the light at the end of the tunnel and relies on her faith to get her through. Her kindness is unmatched by many mortals, even this is overlooked or judged by some. They judge because inside they know their hearts could never open as wide as hers. She offers a hand to the elderly and the young. She will be there for anyone, asking for nothing in return.

cherry lip balm
applied to a smile
that never fades

She steps outside in the bustling city of Chicago. She has her walking shoes on and her heels in her purse. The noise of cars, buses, and trains are soothing to her. She whistles past so many strangers and looks at each and every on of them; she loves to people watch. She arrives at work and puts her Gucci heels on. She answers phone calls and waits on her loyal customers. At the end of the day she rushes home to have a light dinner and hurries to get ready for a long night of bar crawling with the girls. City life is wonderful on summer Friday nights.

sexy heels
on the pavement
who doesn’t love Chicago

A guitar player, who has gotten pretty good over the years. Playing for the day he would perform for many. The muscle memory is there, and he has gained much knowledge of the instrument. He thinks back of when he blindly attempt to comprehend the workings of the fret board. How then can his improvement continue, and can it be sped up with what he already knows. The secret is to unlearn all those bad habits, all those habits that made him slow. “While you're at it, get rid of the feelings that accompanied these bad habits, that are as ugly as the mistakes they caused.”

waiting all day
anticipating the time
when I could pick up the guitar

I sit in the room of my childhood and I look around to see my memories come alive. I can remember running around with my friends and sharing stories with them about the toys we got from our parents. A memory of a birthday pops out and I can see my first cake since it was large and had beautiful candles. My mother and father look at me and were proud because I was their first born and I am growing up. The house reminds me of what I need to give my children and the importance of memory. I see my mother step in with me and I can see in her eyes the same thoughts occur to her. The house is only a shell of it was and now it is going to be destroyed. The moment will be cherished and remembered.

I gaze…
drawings on wall
childhood home