Haiku Attempts 1 - Haiku Edit Alternatives

Global Haiku--Haiku to Edit 1 Results, Spring 2007


ice storm—
tip-toeing down Main
limbs tremble above

ice storm—
tip-toeing down Main
limbs tremble overhead

Keith Chandler
 


warm nights
on the old wooden dock
calm starry water

warm night
on the old wooden dock
calm starry water


blanket
of white cold chill
hot chocolate

cuddling with Mom
three of us curled up
under the quilt

blanket
of white cold chill
sipping hot chocolate


family tea
talk of past and future
family love constant

family tea
sharing past and future
love remains constant

family tea
sharing stories of the past
family love constant

family tea
talk of past and future
love remains constant

war refugee camp
talk of past and future
at our family tea


little girls
lace dresses
muddy knees

little girl
in her lace dress
muddy knees

sunshine girl
lace dress
muddy knees

flower girl
in her lace dress
muddy knees

flower girls
with lace dresses
muddy knees


sit in
on this conversation
two feet on the ground

grandpa sits in
on this conversation
two feet on the ground

funeral home
I sit in on this conversation
two feet on the ground


cold nose
paw prints
puddles on the drive

melted water up the drive
wet black nose
prints made on glass

wet nose
paw prints from
puddles on the drive

puddles on drive
prints on glass
wet nose


a bent cigarette
hangs from the lips
of a stressed mother

a stale cigarette
hangs from the lips
of an anguished mother

bent cigarette
hanging from lips
frazzled mom of four

a stressed mother
the bent cigarette
hangs from her lips


mom awake before all
favorite cereal
next to empty bowls and spoons

mom is first to rise
my favorite cereal
next to the empty bowl and spoon

last one up . . .
next to a bowl and spoon
my favorite cereal left out



the log cabin
late-night secrets
Granny shushing kids

Grandma’s log cabin
secrets shared late at night
a light goes out to hush our voices

old log cabin
late-night secrets shared
Granny hushes little ones

the cabin loft
late-night secrets
Granny quieting kids

the cabin loft
late-night secrets
Granny shushes the kids

the cabin loft
late-night secrets
Granny quiets the kids

late night secrets
in a log cabin
Granny shushing kids

log cabin
sharing secrets
mustn’t wake grandma

a log cabin
late-night secrets
Granny’s quieting glance

late night whispers
the elder hushes
log cabin is cold

log cabin
whispering late-night secrets
Granny shushes us

log cabin
whispered secrets
Grandma shushing the children

in the log cabin
we share late-night secrets
shhh…

cold log cabin
late night whispers
me-maw hushes kids


Hackettstown
in that chill pool
relief

Hackettstown
in the chill pool
a sigh of relief

Hackettstown pool
open again
ah, ah, the chill

 

 


layers on top of layers
lips white and cracked
and my ball in my hands

legs in motion
layers on layers
lips white and cracked

layers upon layers
lips white and cracked
my ball in my hands

 

 


Sunday dinner
paper plates
gourmet meal

still summer evening
paper plates piled high
a family meal together

Sunday dinner
paper plates piled high
our gourmet meal

Sunday dinner
paper plates full of hotdogs and hamburgers
our gourmet meal

Sunday dinner
paper plates of hotdogs
our gourmet meal

sunday dinner
paper plates pilled high
our gourmet meal


another recess lost
classmates have fun
I write sentences

another recess
classmates playing
I write sentences

another recess
classmates playing
I write sentences

another recess lost
classmates playing
i write sentences

another recess lost
classmates laughing
i write sentences

inside
I write sentences
classmates recess


orchid hanging purple
pulled it out
look grandma

the only orchid bloom
pulled out
a gift for grandma

that low hanging
purple orchid
here, grandma

 


In bed
Sister talk
As the movie plays

in bed
a sister’s giggles
the movie plays

in bed
sisters talk
as the movie plays

late night Movie
sisters gossip
in bed

in their beds
sisters talk
as a movie plays

in bed
as the movie plays
sister talk

late night movie
sisters gossip
in bed


she packs the snow tight
then lets out a warning cry
my is cheek now wet

she packs the snow
lets out a warning cry...
snow slides down her cheek

she packs the snow
lets out a warning cry...
snow slides down my cheek

 


Storms approach
Large drops smack the deck
Rain delay on the tube

rain drops
smack the deck window
only snow on the tube

 


swimming in the pond
and heat lightning
all night

swimming in the pond
watching heat lightning
all through the night

backstroke in the pond
heat lightning
illuminates the night


I bundle up like crazy,
then step outside
and dash to the next building

I bundle up
in hats and mittens
and dash outside

I bundle up
in my winter clothes—
a dash across campus

 


sideways glance
gentle smile
electricity

stolen glance
his knowing smile
from across the room

my stolen glance
his knowing smile back
the sparks between us blind to others

sideways glance
gentle smile
extraordinary

sideway glance
enhances a gentle smile
electricity pulse

a sideways glance
gives a gentle smile
electricity

stolen glance
his knowing smile returned
electricity

first date
the sideways glance
becomes a smile


a moonlit path
guides a couple
on a lakeside tour

young lovers
a moonlit path guides them
on a lakeside tour

new couple
a moonlit path takes them
around the lake

 


clank clank
my heels on the brick
giggling together

my heels on the brick path
laughing together
our own rhythm

clank clank
my heels on the brick
giggling together

my heels on brick
laughing together
our own rythym

Click Clunk
Echoing down hallway
Woman approaching

my heels on brick
laughing together
our own rhythm

giggling together
click clack
my heels on the brick

my heels on brick
laughing together
our own rhythm



her breath dances
playfully
in the cold air

her breath
dances playfully
in the cold air

her breath danced
playfully
in the cold shadows

cold air
her breath dances
playfully

new snow
watching her breath dance
in the cold air

sledding hill
her breath dances
in the cold air

smoke rings
her breath dances
in the cold air


© 2007, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.