Global Haiku Tradition • Rengay Attempts 1, Spring 2008
Untitled Rengay the lantern door a moth the bird’s eye the moth the hinges screech the lantern |
Milli-Bubble the cement walls I walk out the door passing the quad art students draw trees as I walk to class in the cafeteria |
logging in application after application pissed off embarrassing photo a status update an awkward comment |
Yawn on the cusp of summer lab empties out pencil lead breaks— intoxicated by lack of sleep birds squawking the day looms before me by Lindsay Scully, Alyssa Thompson, and Pat Thacker (6) Even though the structure may be wrong in this one, it’s the one that I enjoyed the most. The two main reasons are because I like the word choice in it and I can FULLY relate. I also like the “aswordsbegintoblur…” Nice visual way of bringing the reader into the speaker’s state of mind. Most of the linking within this rengay is content linking that just continues the plot of this day being a horrible one for the haiku’s writer. Other than that there’s not too much for me to analyze in the way of linking I don’t think, and if there is I’m ignorant to it. Gordon I liked this rengay, because it is so true for every student on campus. The end of the year is coming and the professors are assigning the big papers. I know that I am one of the students that go to bed at 3am and wake up at 7:15 to go to class. Content links and word links come up well in this rengay. They show how demanding papers can be on students as they try to finish the school year, while summer is staring them in the face. I think aswordsbegintoblur is a great word link. The links all work together to show the harsh life of a college student. Elise |
31 Flavors bells jingle— I go directly to one scoop I begin to daydream golden butterscotch with a cherry on top it equals |
A Passage on the desk fresh, crisp, and ready new beginning so secretly I judge, gossiping your letters right… write a rite; by Andy Jones, Russ Boulton, Erika Davidson, & Katie Myers-Wieses I really like this rengay because my idea of what it was changed throughout the haiku. At first I thought it was someone who was writing a paper and just couldn’t think of what to write. They sat staring at the clean paper on their desk. Then, around the third section when it says, “never judging what your write,” I thought of someone reading someone else’s paper and editing it. Finally, around the fifth section, I thought it was about someone reading someone else’s love letters and trying to decide what to write back to them. Erin I really like this rengay because of the open ended beginning. Nothing is given away too soon, and while a story continues with this rengay as the reader I am not forced to think in one direction, instead, I am gently guided, and not robbed of my imagination. Furthermore, I like that I can feel and smell the cleanliness of the new paper—which almost stands for something else, giving the blank paper a bit of a “word link” appeal—the blank paper also serves as a blank slate for a person a new beginning. Again a play on words is made in the line “stationary leave covering my floor.” The line gives the paper more life, making a picture of falling leaves, yet they are not leaves, they are paper! Lastly, I like the use of the three “right…write a rite” that is a fun play on words and it leads into an ending for the rengay that keeps the energy flowing and doesn’t force the reader to an abrupt stop. Fun. Kersten I really like this rengay because my idea of what it was changed throughout the haiku. At first I thought it was someone who was writing a paper and just couldn’t think of what to write. They sat staring at the clean paper on their desk. Then, around the third section when it says, “never judging what your write,” I thought of someone reading someone else’s paper and editing it. Finally, around the fifth section, I thought it was about someone reading someone else’s love letters and trying to decide what to write back to them. Erin |
Graveside falling leaves cover birthday wishes Mom’s teardrops cascade children’s laughter sunny day… another year by Alyssa Thompson & Lindsay Scully I really like the rengay called graveside. I think that connections of a mother being reminded of her lost child by the birthday and by other happy mothers is excellent. Also, the visuals and tone of the poem work really well together. The part about puddles of pain and freshly turned soil is very descriptive. It gives the creepy feeling of death and grief that most people have experienced and puts a pit in my stomach. The word choices and arrangement for this rengay were excellent! Nicole |
eHarmony Evils blind date bewildered expression as he hopping into his Cadillac senior discount Vietnam vet front porch farewell |
Untitled Rengay an error sign it bleeps and bleeps I try again Error 10222565952415 enough is enough the keys spell |
Hungry College Students doing homework they think about traditional meal call in for take-out walking to the speed of light equals |
Untitled Rengay homework to do— Procrastination 9:30! probably slept at 1 tonight by Brett Coffman & friends I really liked this rengay because it reminds me so much of myself. I am terribly good at procrastinating when I have a lot of things that I need to do, especially homework. My favorite part of the rengay was: 9:30! There have been way too many times when I will stop to take a two minute break and it turns into being closer to two hours before I realize what has happened. Sometimes I swear time speeds up. Time is a major content linking theme in this rengay. The fact that time is moving too quickly and is being wasted is built up as the rengay progresses. Jessica |
Untitled Rengay the jeep is bumping grinding when i'm rhyming white socks, shorts, and a tie double bacon cheese forty eight hours over due teacher might be pissed |
Return to Manzanita ocean mist waves crashing surround my feet tiny seashell humming voices in holy hymns by Kersten & Kathleen Haile (6) This rengay is my favorite because it awakens all my senses. The imagery and emotion it evokes inside me is incredible! I feel that this rengay does an excellent job of creating an entire story that builds with each stanza, and it changes and progresses, rather than staying on one image or topic the entire time. The title really intrigued me, because “Manzanita” rolls off the tongue and sounds like an exotic and mysterious place. The authors used a nice balance of the several sensory devices, the visual (ocean mist), the sense of touch and feeling (swirls through my skirt), and the audible (seagull calling). The authors use lots of alliteration, such as “swirling sand slips” or “holy hymns,” that make the rengay pleasing to the ear. I love how it goes from talking about a tiny seashell to something huge and infinite, such as God. This transition from speaking about a single person’s experience on a beach to a special experience between two sisters is a pleasant surprise. This transition sets an entirely new mood and twist to the “story.” The juxtaposition between Earth and Heaven, sea and sky, flows together perfectly! Alyssa |
David Hume’s Rebuttal unpractical and no job his mouth by Aubrie Cox & Kersten Haile
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Breakup August night— midnight brings bedside first date the first rose day breaks |
Independence sulfur and hazy sunset distant checkered battlefield survival of the fittest lying upon dry grass roman candles by Aubrie Cox & Wayne (5) I like this rengay because it is primarily content-linked. The progress of the night on the fourth of july is very apparent. I also enjoy the emotion link present in the phrase “lying upon dry grass..fragrant..scent of memories”. I think it is extremely evocative and reminds me of a blissful state in the summertime. The word link of the charred hot dogs shifts the focus from the sunset toward to hot dogs. The reader can smell and taste the dogs right off the grill. Overall I like this rengay because it is something that can be related to. Every person has experienced the Fourth of July-the fireworks, the hot dogs, the familiar smells. Some of the words that the author selected are absolutely perfect for the rengay. I love “sulfur and perspirating pop cans”-it is the absolute perfect phrase for the rengay. Lindsay |
Moving On shooting star eyes open pondering unknown future unable to let go heart broken by Nicole & Jill (4) I like this rengay so much because of the mixture of dreams and reality. The first haiku speaks about optimism and wishes. When reading it I especially think about the girl being younger and about to enter a relationship. When paired with the second stanza, the level of optimism is goes down and sad reality steps in. This mood stays with the rest of the haiku as a whole, but the mood switches from optimism to pessimism with almost every stanza. Jason |
Night Love evening candlelight warm room skin to skin temperatures rise beads of sweat drifting to sleep by Nicole, Jill, Becca, and Scott (5) |
Sad Day funeral gray clouds children assemble the adventure has taken safe at last walking away |
Untitled Rengay pumpkin… burning candle black cat witch flying black cat's evil cackle by Gordon Gilmore & Amber Steidinger Since it is untitled, I'll try to give it a name. I think a good one would be 'Singing Frogs.' I really liked this one because I immediately saw images of Halloween night in Cerro Gordo. I also saw various Halloween and fantasy movies. I guess what I liked most about this rengay was that it wasn't as much of an extended sentence - I liked the broken-ness of the phrases. Michelle |
Nature Ignites warm sunshine tree branches muddy ground twitching nose dinner bell bouncing pigtails by Aubrie, Kersten, Michelle, Elise The reason why I liked this rengay the most was because for me it told the best story. This was one of the better ones that each link adds it’s own twist to the previous story; however, each link still connects to the previous link and the following link. Not only are the links individual yet converging to tell one story they combine all the components of a good haiku. There is the imagery, different sounds that you can imagine, different scents that run through your head when you read it, and different aspects of nature. Amanda |
The Epic of Homework Sunday afternoon stuck in the room working for hours only for an hour frustrated with myself my homework is delayed |
Untitled Rengay broken wings a light falls on memories rise droplets dance- a funeral for a friend eyes |
Field of Dreams summer wind tranquil seeds open meadow juicy watermelon time to leave making a wish by Jason Chmiel, Matt Chmiel, & Nicole Zabrinas (10) "Field of Dreams" was my favorite from the rengay (although closely followed by the untitled one that begins "an error sign"). This one had a mood that carried throughout the entire poem that worked well, for at the end there is a sense of release, much like the dandelion seeds floating away. There are lots of sensory triggers within all the links, particularly visuals, then the sensation of sticky hands--I love that. There's something . . . well, magical about this, which I realize I say about a lot of haiku I like, but it reminds me of the haiku about the tiny town--kingdom of the tulip haiku that someone wrote (the name alludes me at the moment). A child's innocence makes anything (even allergens), beautiful. I imagine a big open sky in the middle of nowhere. The field is endless in one direction, perhaps boardered by pines in another. The family drove out there in the family truck to have a picnic where no one could disturb them. Aubrie I liked this rengay because it seemed to flow really well. Each haiku kind of builds from the one before it, in particular each haiku about dandelions and their seeds like 1-2 and 5-6. I also liked all the senses that were employed: sight, touch, and taste. Andy |
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2008, Randy Brooks • Millikin University • last updated: April 16, 2008
All rights returned to authors upon publication.