Haiku to Edit 3 - Valentine's Haiku
Global Haiku • Millikin University • Spring 2008
Alyssa Thompson hands clasped candlelight and clinking wine glasses crudely-made paper heart construction-paper heart paper heart take a nibble... I take a nibble… |
Gordon Gilmore eyelids the trees eyelids we reach we reach |
Nicole Zbrinas opening door through the door backward glance through the peephole trying to concentrate attempting homework |
Aubrie Cox snowflake my hand lilacs in bloom lilacs in bloom lilac in bloom
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Brett Coffman heart beating faster we embrace— heart sprints our eyes meet— eyes meet— our eyes meet our eyes meet— our eyes meet— as eyes meet |
Jessica Villarreal cornering her Although it was supposed to be about a little boy in elementary school who has been chasing his crush around the playground and finally corners her and kisses her on the cheek, everyone else apparently thought it was about a rapist or a child molester or something. We had to remove that room for misinterpretation. We ended up making a haiku with four lines. recess I really like the “Cooties!” part but I prefer the three line haiku. I also wanted to keep the part about the girl being cornered to show that she had been trying to escape the boy but had failed. cornered by the monkey bars playground romance sneaking away under the slide laughing at candy hearts This senryu was written more with the intention of being a joke than being a great poem. I used it to make fun of the strange phrases that my friends I have found on candy hearts. “URA 10” is just one of them. I have also seen phrases such as “Bee Bop,” “U Go Girl,” and even “Let’s Read,” which make no sense to me. The second line is not really needed so I can get rid of it. Since I wrote it with myself and a friend in mind, I can also make it more clear that there is more than one person. giggling as we share candy hearts giggling |
Alyssa Thompson on my desk on my desk on my desk on my desk |
Amanda Aukerman crushes become reality crushes become reality he touches her shoulder The problem with this haiku is that it just lists three things. It needs to flow together more. Our group decided on this haiku. their eyes meet touching her shoulder |
Andy Jones after Christmas snow Midnight |
Elise Wildman the love of my life heart-shaped floor burn gifts are everyone receives a gift valentines gifts I relate to this one too, because I have no one to spend Valentine’s with! It makes me sad…but hey, at least I don’t have to buy a present. Daniel gifts |
Erin Knott tension in the air summer night For this haiku it was ambiguous as to where the person was walking home from. It didn’t make it clear if they had maybe come to a party with someone and then left all alone or something else. In our group we had some trouble editing it because we wanted to add this element but we weren’t sure what it should replace. 4th of July Fourth of July walking alone summer night— |
Jason Chmiel The geese rest geese rest eight tiny paws snowy night |
Jessica Villarreal two years gone Valentine’s Day This haiku is about someone who is too shy to tell their crush how they feel, so they become their secret admirer instead and send them an anonymous card. I guess the problem with it is that it is too vague about whose love is being proclaimed. Valentine’s Day or Valentine’s Day I think I like the second one better because I picture the admirer being a young guy in high school who is very shy. Valentine’s Day |
Kersten Haile giggling girls middle school dance— puffy eyes a pint of ice cream— a pint of ice cream my heart marinara marinara |
Aubrie Cox gentle kiss goodnight Smile Our group thought that the first line of this haiku didn’t quite make sense. It needed more information. We also thought that the break between the second and third lines seemed a little awkward. across the table across the classroom sleeping smile from across the table in the laundry room… by candle light soft snow soft snow . . . soft snow . . . soft snow . . . |
Lindsay Scully best friends piled in a car post-it back to my cubicle back to my cubicle foreign post-it foreign post-it his post-its office romance |
Matt Chmiel snow reincarnated, stricken with strep throat strep throat— strep throat strep throat |
Michelle Dixson caffeine caffeine— bareback my cold fingertips my cold fingertips |
Nick Chivers winters chill winter chill winter's chill living and sharing living with |
Nicole Zabrinas all alone feeling alone a dozen red roses the fourteenth of February a rose all alone wanting him change his mind |
Pat Thacker heart beats faster I can relate to this because I’m ridiculously shy and even if I know the girl likes me I still get all nervous and start freaking out at little things like eye contact. Daniel Laying at her side we touch Heart beats faster Laying with her |
Elise Wildman one I love one I love sweet talk |
Erin Knott clutching my ballot anticipation— you smile at me from across the room across the room single smile his smile his green eye |
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© 2008, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.