Haiku Attempts 5 - Haiku on Snow & Superbowl
Global Haiku • Millikin University • Spring 2008
trying her best |
making angels |
school canceled |
untouched snow trying her best I think that these two haiku go together really well. To me they create a story when they are put together. The main difference between them is the subject, in one it is me and in the other it is her. However, these two go together because they are both about snow and what you can do with it. The first one sets the scene and then the second haiku tells you what you are going to do to the snow / in the snow. The one that I pick as my favorite out of these two would have to be the second one. I really like this one because it clearly paints the picture. I can imagine a girl who is trying to make the best snow angel ever. She is taking all of her time trying to leave the snow angel without leaving any evidence of her being there. I remember actually doing that when I was little. When we where little we would even try to walk away from the snow angel in the same footsteps that we took when we walked to the space where we made the snow angel. Amanda These haiku go well together because again they seem to be a continuance of each other. I imagine two sisters playing in the snow for the first time. And then they make some snow angles. And while they try to make the snow angels they try and make them as perfect as possible. And while they are trying to make them as perfect as possible one of them was leaving accidental handprints in the middle of her snow angel. And every time that she left a handprint she smoothed it over and tried again but kept on leaving another handprint. Pat |
making angels falling and laughing I really like both of these haiku paired together because they remind me so much of playing outside in the snow with my sister. We loved making snow angels all over our backyard when we were younger. We’d try so hard to get them just right but usually we’d end up falling on them while trying to get up without ruining them. Instead of getting frustrated we would just laugh and try again. Both haiku add different elements to the same story. The first haiku is more specific about who is making the snow angels and the second one shows how much fun they are having together. Even alone, the presence of laughter in the second haiku gives the feeling that there is more than one person playing outside in the snow. I especially like the second haiku because of its second line. I like the phrase “a world of white” because when it snows the world really seems to turn into a white and sparkly wonderland. Jessica |
falling and laughing school canceled • untouched snow school canceled |
tongue sticking out |
frost-covered window |
a snowflake |
tongue sticking out holding dad’s hand I really like this pairing of haiku because they both remind me of my childhood. The first one I picture a child spinning around with her arms sticking out in front of her house and trying to catch a snowflake on her tongue. For the second haiku I imagine a young girl and her father going on a walk while it is snowing lightly as she tilts her head back and catches a snowflake on her tongue. I really like both of these haikus, but I like the second one slightly better. I like the way that the second haiku is written. I can picture myself very easily in that situation. It also seems to tell more of a story to me rather than listing things. Erin |
frost-covered window first flakes I love the idea of a small child looking outside at the snow and being amazed. I get that sense from both of these, but I love the first one. The child is so happy and excited by the new snow, and I think using the word “grins” helps capture that moment. This is the first big snow in the child’s lifetime, and he is growing excited thinking of all of the things he can do outside. I can feel the coldness of the window as the child looks outside. This haiku captures the beginning of a very special day for the child, because it is the first big snow that he will remember. Lindsay frost covered window tongue sticking out These two haiku work well together because they seem to be almost a continuance of each other. Visually you can see a small child looking out the window and seeing snow falling and thinking oh my god this is too great. And then the child runs outside after getting bundled up in a huge coat and everything, like that one kid in a Christmas story when the mom was getting him ready for school. And when the kid gets outside he’s running in circles trying to ketch snow flakes on his tongue. Pat |
a snowflake diamonds I love this haiku pair! The duo brings a smile to my face when I read them. One of them is mine, but this is not why I chose this pair. I actually chose it because I loved how the beauty that a single snowflake holds when it lands on an eyelash captivated another author of haiku. Both of these haiku illuminate a very delicate moment in time, and I think that is why I enjoy this haiku pair so much. Also, I was interested to find that when I read the second haiku it made me think of a different scenario for the first one. Originally, the first one made me think of a couple walking in the winter evening with the snow gently falling. They turn to face one another and the man notices a single snowflake on his lovers eyelash and for some reason that simple snowflake sparks even more love for him in him. The moment is tender and he grips her hand kisses her forehead and they continue to walk. However, then I read the second on and I was reminded of my niece and her first experiences with snow. She was born in march, but she lives in Fargo ND so winter is by no means over in march. In the second week of her birth my mother and I went up to visit our newborn angel and while we were there it snowed an absurd amount. I remember taking baby Jaiden out for the first time into the outside world as we bundled up to go to dinner. She was wrapped in layers of blankets and wore a baby size beanie on her head. As we walked to the car a tiny little snowflake graced itself on her eyelid. She shivered, surprised by this sudden burst of cold. Again, it was a tender moment as the first haiku was meant to be, but a completely different context. I like this second pair better because there are vast amount of associations that can be made with it. It allows the reader to connect with it in ways that are personal to them. What is cool about this pair is that the association that a reader makes with it will more than likely change depending on the stage of life that the reader is in. The other pair about sledding is wonderful as well though because it does a great job of capturing a specific moment. However, the reader does not have quite as much wiggle room for their imagination. This is not bad, it’s just different! Kersten I like these poems because they show the beauty of the snow. They are a good match because they talk about eyelashes catching snowflakes. I found it interesting that the character in the poems is a girl. I think these poems also show the peacefulness of snow falling. I always love it when snowflakes get caught on my eyelashes and hair. I like the first haiku the best. I love the second line in the poem; it makes the snow harmless and playful. Elise |
damp gloves |
snow melts |
diamonds |
untouched snow damp gloves |
toboggan glides snow melts |
a snowflake diamonds These two haiku stand out to me because I love the mental image that I get from seeing snowflakes on eyelashes. I love the haiku that likens snow to “diamonds”. I think that using “diamond” to describe snow gives the image of sparkling snow gently falling. When it lands on the girl’s eyelash is has a sparkle to it that makes the moment even more magical. I picture a very dark night, which makes the gently falling white snow stand out even more. I can feel the cold snowflakes land on my eyelashes and feel their weight and wetness as they slowly melt. Lindsay |
chill down my spine— |
outside |
snow day |
outside war rages I feel these two haiku almost flow from one right into the other. I think it is such an amazing combination that the only thing I think I can say that makes one seem better than the other is the second one is my own. Other than that I love them equally. This combination brings to mind an image of a couple friends walking out side and one of them tosses a snow ball. The other retaliates and it escalates to a full on snow ball war that rages for an hour or more. Nick |
no magic hat |
the snowman |
frozen pond |
no magic hat mischievous snowman These two haiku also go together in my mind since they are both about snowmen and in a way they create a better story when they are put together. Also the way they are phrased, since they both start with something and then it leads to the other part of the haiku. For instance the first one starts with the sadness of not having a magic hat but then on the upside of the things, the eyes are full of life. Then the second one is just about a snowman and then it takes you to how the snowman causes you to stop doing your homework and go play in the snow. I feel that these two haiku match up really well. They both create a very exciting scene of snowman and attribute life to them. In the first one, there is an initial sense of wonder with the mention of a magic hat, but the rush comes with eyes full of life; while in the second one the excitement is all in the word mischievous. My favorite out of the two is by far the first one. I feel the same sense of excitement and anxiety as I do when opening a present for Christmas. The moment is breathtaking, and beautiful with the look into the eyes. Matt |
the snowman no magic hat Here is just a reflection of our anthropomorphizing the snow statues we create and recognizing this as a form of imaginative magic. The snowman growing in the blizzard seems kind of magical, and the reason we are so captivated by it is because we imagine the snowman to be human. Same with being able to see a soul in the snowman we create. It’s almost like a form of playing the part of God in a non-blasphemous way. Fun times. Gordon |
untouched snow |
silent |
breath vapors |
untouched snow damp gloves These haiku tell a before and after story when they are paired together. The first haiku makes me think of looking outside my bedroom window the morning after a big snow. I love fresh snow and I always liked being the first one to go play out in the untouched snow in my backyard. It’s just not the same when the snow has already been walked in. I can imagine myself making snow angels, building an igloo, and being the first one to go down the snow-covered slide. The second haiku takes place after I have gone back inside. I would leave my wet hat, scarf, and gloves downstairs to dry and my mom would make me hot chocolate or tea to drink while I thawed. I really like both of these haiku but I especially like the second one because of the visual of damp gloves drying by the heater. Jessica untouched snow school canceled I like both of these because it makes me think of the times when there was only a little bit of snow the night before, but when you wake up there’s a field of it. I remember when I was younger I’d get real anxious and try to find the news channel to see if there was going to be a snow day. If it were confirmed I’d run up to my window and just gaze at the seemingly endless field of untouched snow. Its like I was thanking the snow for giving me the day off. After I ate breakfast, I’d bundle up, and go outside to play with my sister. We would sled, make snowballs, make snow angels, make snowman, and, every once in a while, my mom would help us make snow ice cream. I like both of these a lot, but if I had to pick one it would be the top one. The only reason I picked it over the other one is because it represents all of the excitement of realizing that there was no school (and no homework) and I was free to play all day. Brett |
breath vapors icicles— Both of these haiku make me think about ice, so I paired them together. I like the latter one better. It has great imagery and I can very easily relate to it. Michelle |
little maps |
high noon |
frozen rain |
little maps sampling These haiku are a match because they both remind me of animals sampling the snow. The first haiku is after the animal has been out in the snow and went on his way. The second haiku is about a puppy seeing his first snow. I like the second haiku better because I can imagine my dog when I first got her “sampling” the snow. It also gives me a more vivid picture. I imagine a dog right at the end of a porch sticking its nose really close to the snow before it jumps right in. I also like that the first two lines don’t tell you exactly what it is that is sampling the cold white fluff. It leaves it up to your imagination first before it tells you that it is a confused puppy. Erin |
limbs waving |
snowflakes mingle |
icicles— |
trying her best limbs waving I thought the imagery for both of these haiku was vivid and very beautiful each in its own way. I enjoy these two haiku for a number of reasons, but especially because they capture the childlike innocence and wonder that come with the first snow of winter. These haiku made me nostalgic for the days when snow had the power to elicit such wonder, joy, curiosity, and awe from me as a child. Nowadays, I complain and try to avoid the snow because I hate brushing my car off in the morning, or walking to class in a foot of freezing precipitation. When I read these haiku, I realized that either of them could have been talking about me as a young girl. They both capture such a familiar, tender moment that I am sure we have all experienced in one way or another. It is a moment when our biggest worry was that we might mar our perfectly crafted snow angel; a moment when every flake of snow was a miracle from the heavens—moments of beautiful simplicity. Although very similar, the second poem spoke to me a bit more because I personally thought it captured the most childlike joy and excitement. The person in the second haiku seems more carefree, while the person in the first haiku seems more meticulous and methodical. I also liked how the second poem did not ever mention a snow angel, but it paints such a clear picture through the imagery that it is obvious to the reader that the subject of the haiku is making snow angels. I liked that the second poem is written in first person because it makes the haiku feel more personal. Most of all, I thought the final line of the second haiku was excellent and more poignant than the last line of the first haiku. Alyssa limbs waving trying her best These two I chose to put together because you can see the connection of the one person making facsimiles of angels and the other looking for real ones in the falling snow. It’s like the snow becomes the conduit for our vision of angels in our artificial attempts and the other it obscures the sky, but the flakes could be mistaken for angelic beings flying through the air. These two really just show the theological power that snow can have, especially among children. Gordon |
snowflakes mingle icicles— Coincidentally, these two were side by side on the page, and I actually did not realize it until I drew a line to them. This reminds me basically of campus in the winter time and all the complaints I hear from students (none of my own, since I do not live on campus and I've lived in the area all my life). I envision those on campus looking out their icy dorm windows and thinking about what it's like outside, perhaps they just came in. But at the same time, I envision the locals hanging out and observing the area, and making comments about how common the weather is, and the smell, and how it's basically, "Welcome to Central Illinois." Aubrie |
|
the winter night |
snow on the ground |
steamy ramen |
the winter night the crackle of snow For this pair, I envision someone very contemplative as they sit outside on a winter night, looking at all the snow and thinking about life while smoking cigarettes by himself. It actually reminds me of something I would read from George Swede--it has that dark feel to it, the nitty gritty harsh reality (which is something I love to read). He could easily go inside, or maybe he's not allowed to smoke inside and would rather be cold with his cigarettes while pondering, than inside, warm, and with people. He wants alone time, looking out at the dark city (which I envision as Decatur . . . at night, scary). Then, when he needs to do his thing, still, rather than go inside, he does it right there off the front step, and even the sound of the crackling snow is interesting to him at this time of night, and seems to hold some special, significant and insightful meaning. Even thoug he is in a city with roughly 80,000 people, tonight he's alone as he stays up late into the night contemplating. Aubrie I like these haiku because they represent, to me at least, the declining impact of snow as people get older. Don’t get me wrong, I’m shocked when a mountain of it falls down, but it takes a lot more then it use to, to get me excited about the snow. I still enjoy snow days, like the one we recently had, but even they don’t carry the impact that they use to. Even on that snow day I still had homework to do, and I even had some teachers email me new homework. It is college after all, but when I was younger a snow day was like a freedom pass. Not to mention, when I was younger I didn’t have to deal with all of the work associated with snow; like shoveling, or starting my car earlier so it would have enough time to heat up and clear the ice off my windows. In the end, I like the top haiku better then the other one. I don’t smoke, but it gives me the image of someone who had just been shoveling their driveway taking a break on their porch, while smoking a cigarette. Its like the smoker is saying, “Its snowing, but who cares…” Brett These poems show when snow can be not so innocent and sweet. The attitude of these poems is what I think makes these poems match. They are very sarcastic and show, to me, the stupidity of people. My favorite one is the first one again. The poem reminds me of the girls in my dorm that stand right outside the door to smoke. People can never get in the door and when they do they breath in smoky air. It floats into all the stairwells and is just disgusting. Elise |
down the back |
scoop up some snow |
safe in the fortress |
war rages down the back |
toboggan glides |
melted snow |
foggy glasses |
toboggan glides snow melts I like this haiku pair because together they tell a story. The first one is beginning of the story. Excitement and joy rushes through the child playing in the snow, zooming down the hill on a sled. I like this haiku because I get a great sense of movement from it. I can feel the win whipping at the child’s face, and the small bits of snow that are flying up as the toboggan glides over it. At the bottom of the hill the child’s face is smothered with snow that quickly melts on the warmth of his skin. He giggles and then rolls out of the sled and makes his way back to the top of the hill. The second haiku is the end of this story and it’s that sad day when the child realizes that he HAS to get out in the snow one more time before it’s all gone! Spring is on the way, and this may be the last snow he sees until next winter. The air outside is much warmer than in the first haiku, and the snow is quickly turning into brown sludge, but the child is determined to get back to that hill for one more glide in his toboggan. The ride is not nearly as thrilling this time, however, and at the bottom of the hill the little boy has definitely confirmed that sledding in this snow has come to an end. Kersten I love the idea of rushing to the hill to get in a few last slides down before the snow melts. Usually by then the runs have all been ridden enough that they’re smooth as glass and really fast even with the worst sled. Then again, it’s really fun to plow your own way down the side of the hill no one else has and to get all that heavy, wet snow slapping you in the face when you slide down. I really feel that if the snow is hitting your face, you’re sliding on your stomach on the sled which is much more fun. I liked how the first haiku sets up the excitement and anticipation while the second one releases that euphoria as you can imagine whipping down a hill with snow flying everywhere. Andy |
frozen noses |
harsh blizzard— |
sampling |
little maps sampling sampling a snowflake I thought this pairing was cute imagining a puppy experiencing her first snow. I can see a little yellow lab bounding through drifts on snow almost taller than she is. I just think it sounds really expressive of that first wonder and that image everyone has of small puppies in deep snow. Andy |
aching back |
slight touch |
snowy wonderland |
tongue sticking out slight touch Both of these haiku remind me of when it first starts snowing. I remember always running outside to sample the snow. I would get so excited for the first flakes and couldn’t wait for the world to be covered in white. I would go to bed hoping school would be cancelled the next morning. Usually I would wake up disappointed because the first snow almost never sticks. However, once in a great while, the glorious news would arrive that school was cancelled for the day! I would spend most of the day outside doing whatever I could imagine with the snow. I really like both of these, but I think that the first one reminds me more of what it is like to be a child during the first snow. I would always try catching the snowflakes in my mouth and I would sometimes even sample the freshly fallen snow from the ground. This haiku reminds me more of the happiness that snow brought to me as a child. Nicole |
|
nowhere to be |
the crackle of snow |
holding dad’s hand |
the winter night the crackle of snow |
tongue sticking out holding dad’s hand Well, these haiku are an obvious pair because of the ideas of a "first snow." I like the former more because it reminds me of the Barney song---"Standing outside with my mouth open wide. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah." Michelle |
ice clad walkway |
first flakes |
falling and laughing |
frost-covered window first flakes |
falling and laughing school canceled These two give me a very similar image in my mind. Both are a couple of people out in the snow. They are running and laughing and throwing snow balls and just having a great time. Then they eventually collapse to the ground. They don’t want to stop having fun so the start making stow angles then they get up and move and make another snow angle. The whole time this is going on the snow is still falling and they are stilling having fun. I like the first one better because I feel it gives such a strong sense of the makers of the snow angles making a lot of angles by the choice of the word “world.” Nick making angels falling and laughing |
war rages |
new snow |
mischievous snowman |
outside war rages war rages down the back Both of these portray a snowball fight. I like this connection because when being compared to the first haiku, the snow can then symbolize blood, because of the war that is raging. Jason |
diamonds new snow Both of these haiku tell about the sparkle in snow. I like these as a pair because of this. The idea of snow being diamonds or glitter shows the glamour of snow. I like to think of snow as a beautiful dress that covers the world. These haiku really make me see the sparkling tree branches, bushes, and phone lines. Everything, whether nature or man made, is buried under the glittering whiteness. White is such a clean color, and the fact that it is this color is what covers the dead and ugly world. The contrast between dead winter and the beautiful snow is the picture that comes to my mind when I read these haiku. I like the second one better. This is because it shows how snow can make anything beautiful. The winter world without the snow is not the prettiest thing in nature, but snow completely makes over the world. Garbage or trash is even uglier than the ugliest part of nature, but only the snow can make it glitter with winter pride and beauty. Nicole |
no magic hat mischievous snowman |
superbowl— |
Tom Brady waving |
on the losing team |
© 2008, Randy Brooks • Millikin University
All rights returned to authors upon publication.