current's pushing
sun's glistening
coasting, holding my oar

There's a lot of beauty in this haiku, but there are a lot of little things that can be cut. The contractions aren't necessary, and the comma issue can be resolved by changing the spacing. The third line is different, but the first two lines feel like the list we talked about on Thursday. Natalie

current pushing
sun glistens on my oar
coasting

I didn't like that the first two lines felt disconnected to me. I felt like they should have been after each other to further illustrate what is going on. Putting, "sun's glistening" in the middle takes away the strength and focus of the haiku. I would simply swap out the second line and put it at the end. Emilio

current pushing
coasting, holding my oar
sun glistening

my oar coasts
rays glisten
on the current's edge

my hand trails
through the glistening current
a lazy oar

Alexis Dockins

current pushing
sun glistening
coasting
work-free

current pushing
sun glistening
oar in my hands

coasting, the current pushes
glistening sun
holding my oar

oar in my hands
glistening sun
coasting with the current

I drink my coffee dark
To prove I can
Handle you

What stuck out the most to me about this haiku was the spacing. I would have moved the words “I can” to the beginning of the last line. That way, it's closer to how we speak naturally, and there is only one pause instead of two. I would also change the word “dark” to “black.” Dark can mean a dark Starbucks roast, but black is what most people associate with being too bitter to enjoy. Natalie

I drink my coffee black
to prove
I can handle you

I drink my coffee dark
to prove
I can handle you

I drink my coffee dark
to prove I can handle
your bitterness

I drink my coffee black
proving—
I can handle you

Genevieve Breitbach

to prove I can
handle you
I drink my coffee dark

to prove
I can handle you
I take my coffee black

to handle you
I drink . . .
my coffee dark

dark coffee
I'm ready
for you

dark coffee
to show myself
I can handle you

coffee dark
handling you
is possible

looking out
listening to the raindrops fall
wanting to make a difference

I like the idea behind this haiku, but there are so many words. The first two lines can be combined somehow, and the word “looking” can be cut or replaced. There are so many other ways to say “looking.” Natalie

listening to rain patter
wanting
to make a difference

watching and listening
to raindrops fall
a desire to make a difference

wanting to make a difference
I look out
raindrops fall

Corrin Littlefield

gazing out
listening to the raindrops
wanting to make a difference

wanting to make a difference
for now I look out
listening to the raindrops fall

six, seven, eight
inches fall to the ground
school is cancelled

school is cancelled
six, seven, eight
inches fall

Kateherine Viviano

young couple
one loves more

young couple
one loves more
yet doesn't know

young couple
unbalanced
one loves more

Jacob Hamilton

young couple
one
who loves more

young couple
one loves more
deeply

gliding smoothly on the ice
holding his loving wife's hand
sliding into oncoming traffic

holding his loving wife's hand
gliding smoothly on the ice
sliding into traffic

gliding smoothly on the ice
he holds my left hand
sliding into oncoming traffic

Michael Barber

embracing his wife
gliding smoothly on the ice
into oncoming traffic

holding his wife's hand
smoothly gliding on ice
into oncoming traffic

sideways glances
that's the only way
to look

sideways glances
the only way
I see him

sideways glances
the only way
I can look

Lauren Montesano

sideways glances
is the only way
I see

glancing sideways
the only way
I look

they still giggle about
boys and love
but attend grown up weddings
every other weekend

we still giggle
about boys and young love
attending grown up weddings

still giggling about
boys and love
a friend's wedding

Taryn Pepping

they still giggle about love
but attend weddings
every other weekend

giggling about boys and love
they attend friends' weddings
every other weekend

stroller corral
his ice cream falls
the monkey's glare

the stroller corral
the monkey's glare
his fallen ice cream

stroller cage
monkey glares at his reflection
scoop goes splat

monkey in a stroller
atruggles free
ice cream free fall

his ice cream falls
the monkey's glare

the monkeys glare
fallen ice cream
still good

Tyler Trzcinski

snuggled in pajamas
excitedly waiting in the dark
the snow day announcement

sunggled in my pajamas
excitedly waiting in the dark
the snow day announcement

snuggled in pajamas
excitedly waiting
snow day announcements

Whitney Gray

snuggled in pajamas
excitedly waiting in the dark
the snow day call

snuggled in pajamas
in the dark, anticipating
the snow day announcement

curled up in pajamas
waiting excitedly in the dark
the snow day announcement

snuggled in pajamas
waiting in the dark
snow day

snuggled in pajamas
anticipation in the dark
snow day

cotton pajamas
excitement builds
snow day announced

fuzzy pajamas
impatient in the dark
snow day

headphones in
shoes laced tight
open road ahead

For this haiku I didn't feel like there was really much that could be edited for the most part. But if I were to take a closer look at it I would probably flip the first and last line. I would do this simply because it would give the haiku a different feeling for the reader. Reading it this way would start the reader off already with this image of an open road ahead, and then the details would suggest that they are getting ready to take off. Emilio

open road ahead
shoes laced tight
headphones in

Joeseph Pegura

laces tight
music pumping
unfurling sidewalk before me

headphone beat
pedals my feet
toward the horizon

headphones in, shoe laces tight
ready
for the open road ahead

favorite song
shoes laced tight
open road ahead

headphones snug
open road beneath
my sneakers