It shimmers in the morning dawn
the whole dock is illuminated
i long to walk it . . .
to feel the wood grain under my feet
too bad, I live across the bay

rearrange the furnitur

on the patio
sipping coffee
reminder of days past
one more cup
with grandma

cut the commentary line?

clouds moving
rain pounding
My cat's freaking out
Did you see that?!
CRACK!

too many breaks
(smooth into a couple phrases?)

my hands held in yours,
words on our lips never said.
wishing and hoping,
for any sort of a sign.
     miss you more than I can say.

alternative variations?

you
from our first talk
to our last
had my love
and will always

almost all voice?
need an image or scene?

standing at attention
silently
representing the past
uniform now of marble
I stand with my brothers

edit slightly, careful because this one is sooooo close

The hum of the engine is electric
Stephan roars to attention
I roll down the window, the crisp air wafts across my face
I turn the radio dial until I find something to groove to
Oops, I'm out of gas

so good, but do we need so much?
can we trim this down to one main, maybe jsut two breaks?

Her head rises up, from the cushion of the couch
She knows she's not supposed to be up there
She makes no attempt to move off it
I try to scold her, but who could stay mad at that face
Fine, you win, wait is that pee?

shorten, tighten to no more than 2 long phrases or sentences?

God
enters my home
each morning
through
opened curtains

just one phrase/one image?

swerving
to avoid the squirrel
in the road
sunbathing
for three days

rearrange the furniture?